Sunday, October 25, 2009

A glorious fuck

I came 4 times.
Twice from fucking.
I don't cum from fucking.

[she sighs with contentment]

OK. I admit it. The title and those first few lines were a bit of shameless trolling for readers looking for porn - readers who will then leave in disgust when they start drowning in my stream of consciousness, stocked with poems and more pictures of my cats than of my tits.

However, what I said above is true. And there is something even more true, and at least as important.

Evan is a very nice man.

And oh, how wonderful to lie there with him after, and then again, in another after, his relaxed body next to mine, and his warmth, and the sound of his breathing...

I needed that so badly. Almost as much as the 4 orgasms and his hands gently touching me and then suddenly pinching my nipples so that I screamed. To have gentleness and also pain, and energetic fucking in a thousand different positions, and I felt so comfortable and companionable...

I want to date him.

I need to check my e-mail archives and see what I wrote about my relationship with the sadist when Evan got back in touch with me a month or so ago. Is there anything I can explain better to let him know that I am truly available, and not just for more fucking? Not that I would object to more fucking. Not by any means. There was something joyous about it - not wildly joyous but happy, enjoying it, enjoying each other's bodies and what they can do together.

I'd love to go to a concert with him. I'd love to feel him sitting next to me in the dark, his warmth, his bulk - taller than me, somewhat overweight the way most of us are but not fat. Would he take my hand? Would he put his arm around me? Or would our skin just kiss on the armrest between us?

I want to date him.
I need advice.
How to let him know.
I'm trying very hard to hold back
and not
scare him.

Any suggestions?
Especially from men...

I did send him a little thank-you message after he left.

It was so wonderfully comfortable. I think of the other men I have met and sometimes fucked in my craigslist adventuring, and I'd say that he seems to be the most appropriate for a real relationship. Or even if not a "real relationship." Even if just for dating. You know? At least something more than these guys who contact me every so often when they need to fuck someone or hurt someone. These unavailable guys.

I'm sick of unavailable guys.

It was a lovely, shared experience.
And I don't want to blow it now.

Oh, you may be wondering about where my Master fits into all this. He gave me a very supportive pep talk this morning, which I needed because of a blow-up at work Thursday that dumped me into a mildly suicidal state and confirmed in my mind my doctor's diagnosis of bipolar. Again, the sadist amazed me. He knows exactly what to say, how to handle me, giving the right kind of support and encouragement without coddling me. No one in my entire life has ever known how to deal with me.

No one.

Anyway, he propped up my ego and reminded me of certain techniques from the practical lessons he has been giving me. And he said he knew I would make him proud.

I did.

I was sucking Evan's cock.
I am a very good little cocksucker.
I've been good for years
and now am even better
from the training I have received.
So I was sucking Evan's cock,
as he lay back on the pillows
and he looked down at me
kneeling between his legs,
sucking away,
the blindfold now removed,
and he said
"You're good at this!"

I looked up and grinned.

And later,
after we'd rested,
he asked if I thought
I could make it hard again,
and I did make it hard again
and then slid down and
took him in my mouth
and lay there
with my head on his belly
and sucked him till he came,
till he came hard,
very hard,
in strong, abundant spurts...
and this time,
when I sucked him till he came,
all he said was
And that was enough.

And my Master was very, very proud of me.


mamacrow said...

ooo wow and yay!

um, don't know about subtle approach, but why not just 'I'd love to see you again. Actually, I'd love to date as well. How do you feel about it?'

in one of your emails?

either he'll say yes or no, right?

nancy said...

I have NO advice at all but I bet
Mamacrow is right.. just be direct!

I love the support you got from you Master.
Of course he is proud of you!

thedirtyblonde said...

I have no advice on broaching the subject of an ongoing liaison as I'm failing ridiculously at that presently ... but behaving somewhere between not being too keen and smothering and not too distant and offhandedly aloof might just do it ;-).

I'm glad you're so content.

Paul said...

OG, I'm glad that you are so happy.
Porn from you. God forfend.
Let him know that you are interested in further explorations.
I#m sure that he won't refuse.
Love and warm hugs,

oatmeal girl said...

Well, he did say "We should do this again sometime" and I agreed. But that implies just another lovely afternoon in bed. Whereas I'm thinking of going out to one of these things for which he can get last minute cheap tickets... and then a lovely night in bed. Going out before the relationship becomes only sex - nice enough as that is - so that it becomes too hard to switch to something else.

As we lay in bed, I say, sort of musingly, "You're nice!" And when he left he said "I like you." And he said "I like you, too." It was all sort of discovery, after having written for those few months, and then being out of touch of 2-1/2 years, and then a month and a half of finally meshing our schedules and then this, to discover that we enjoyed being together.

About an hour after he left I sent this thank you message:

"You were worth the wait. And - aside from the 4 orgasms and everything that went with - very comfortable to be with.

Thank you."

But the question is, without pushing, how to let him know very clearly the limits of my relationship with the sadist, and that i am very much available for dating and such. It's kind of hard to explain... and I'm not sure what he understands about the variety of BDSM relationships. There was certainly a clear measure of control both in what he wrote me in the early days and in what he did, which was very satisfying.

I dunno... I haven't had an e-mail back. But he is in general very busy, so I'm not taking it personally.

dirtyblonde, it is great to hear from you. You do have some interesting adventures... (You all should go check out her blog if you haven't already.) If only there were clear categories for them all...

Paul, you are such an incredible sweetheart. I keep wanting to pop over to England and spend some time with you and with mamacrow. And then find someone to take me to the theatre every night.

Thank you, all.

mamacrow said...

well fingers crossed!

an english trip is a FAB idea. we have lots of academics ;-)