Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Looming disaster. As always.

Of course... yes, of course, those who've been reading me for years should have seen this coming... while I've been waxing poetic over our relationship and the things he doesn't say, here off the page there's been a storm brewing. A lifting cloud for him, a flash of lightening for me, a new complication for us to face and discuss, a new reality to shake the ground.

And I'm so easily shaken. I start off, still floating, hovering over the perturbed sea, sure we can sort things out. Except that the more we allow comments to slip out our fingers onto the computer keys, the more we say things that don't have the effect we expect or intend.  And yes, I admit that my current hormonal condition, that every other week hormonal flare, has made me more prone to emotional turmoil.

Which of course makes him crazy.

I fully accept that dealing with me could make someone crazy.
Which is a pity.
Since till now he'd been feeling rather guilty.
Because the current problem is definitely his fault.
Which he knows.
And regrets.

And me?
So busy trying to keep things exactly the same,
so busy berating myself for my own part in it all,
and so busy trying to assure him of my love
that I can't allow myself to be justifiably pissed off.

Every time things are beautiful
poised in the air
posed in the light
peaceful and beautiful and sweet
It's in the stage directions.
Enter stage right.

The next Act is yet to be written.

1 comment:

nbs said...

Odd how life works.. something always happens.
But remember it is also early Fall and SAD is creeping around the edges everywhere...certainly here.
You can sort things out..or so it seems from your past times of disaster.
All the best~