Friday, February 29, 2008

Stat Slut

i'm obsessed with my stats.
way too obsessed.

yesterday i looked at them constantly, checking back every hour or so, identifying people i knew, wondering who was reading me from Italy.

i was masturbating my ego.

i'm not allowed to masturbate.

so the philosopher is not happy.
he knows i need to be controlled.
now i'm only allowed to look at them one day a week.
on saturdays.
my shabbos stats.

i'll go nuts!!

i'm already going through withdrawal.
but in fact i know he's doing the right thing and i will obey.
it makes me feel good when he steps in and takes control.
it both calms me and excites me.
i like to feel the choke chain tighten around my neck.
i like to obey.
anyway, i don't have a choice.

but it reminds me of the year i had a folk radio show on a college station out in the middle of nowhere. i'd work on those shows, i'd send them out into the cold mountain air, and hope someone was listening. and then every so often someone would say they had heard my show, they always listened, they had learned something, and i'd feel SO GOOD!

so i'll gather my own stats. a little survey...

could you just say hi and where you are? you don't have to say anything nice, or anything at all other than hi and where you are. and don't feel you have to do it if you've already commented.

actually, don't feel you have to do it at all. i'm a slave kitten and all that. i must be patient and accepting. but i'm asking very nicely...

this is an embarrassing request. i'm letting my needy sub side show. my inner curious kitten. but then i AM a needy sub.

(i'm tempted not to post this. it's a battle between dignity and insatiable curiosity, impulsiveness and self-discipline. unfortunately, dignity rarely wins.)

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sweetie, if you're not supposed to be looking at your stats, isn't this side-stepping the rule, just a little bit?

I just discovered your blog. The first post I saw was the writer's block, and I was jolted. I thought I was the only one that could have writers block for decades! I'm just starting to find that place again, trying to be patient. Your post gives me new hope, so thank you.

I love your poem "Desire". It's a poem I've been trying to write for a while, if you take my meaning. I'm so not a writing critic, I just know what hits me. For me, you've captured that feeling I've been unable to put words around, with such clear, evocative imagery.

Some of your other posts read like prose-poetry too. "Abstinence" was particularly striking.

So, here I am saying hello from Minnesota, in my first comment on any blog ever. I'm not sure what else to say, except that I have no idea what "bashert" means...

Hope this helps with your withdrawl!

Elea

thenakedtruthaccordingtoz.com said...

I'm reading! You're in my reader, so I probably won't show up much.

I think everyone is obsessed with stats when they start. Then you just pretend you aren't :)

Selena Kitt said...

I'm reading... from the boring old Midwest :)

oatmeal girl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
oatmeal girl said...

Elea - i did expect someone to call me on my evasive action, but rather thought it would be a disapproving dom. as for the writer's block, none of my deliberate efforts to start writing again worked. it just dissolved one day. and then when i started exchanging dirty e-mails written in overblown prose, the stuff gushed out. now i'm trying to be more thoughtful about it - an side-effect, i suppose of a self-conscious effort to be impressive, rather than just to give a guy a hard-on.

i did get to look at the stats today. it's the locations that are the most fun. Egypt! Denmark! Germany! Belgium! Switzerland!

anyone stuck out in the boring old Midwest has my most heartfelt sympathies. i put in my time there and am grateful to have escaped.

Z, I’m honored to have you reading here. You are one of my inspirations.

as for "bashert" - i've written a piece on that which will probably go up today. meanwhile, you can use google to study ahead.

thank you all for saying hello. as for the rest of you, i do know you are out there. come out from behind your separate trees and wave!

Kathryn said...

Hi from Columbus, OH :)

oatmeal girl said...

hi, kathryn - i wonder if living in the midwest helps drive people to perversion ;-)

i can say things like that having spent so many years out there myself...

selkie said...

I'll leave it up to you and your philosopher to decide if and whether you are side-stepping the point of yoru stat-ic obsession - I do get that and tend to do it with email - which is pathetic as I really don't get much LOL ... selkie from toronto, canada ... and I was just surfing through other people's lists when I found you - will be back - enjoy your meanderings... apart from the reality we seem to have a lot in common, as I too am a feminist submissive from way back LOL