Stat Slut

i'm obsessed with my stats.
way too obsessed.

yesterday i looked at them constantly, checking back every hour or so, identifying people i knew, wondering who was reading me from Italy.

i was masturbating my ego.

i'm not allowed to masturbate.

so the philosopher is not happy.
he knows i need to be controlled.
now i'm only allowed to look at them one day a week.
on saturdays.
my shabbos stats.

i'll go nuts!!

i'm already going through withdrawal.
but in fact i know he's doing the right thing and i will obey.
it makes me feel good when he steps in and takes control.
it both calms me and excites me.
i like to feel the choke chain tighten around my neck.
i like to obey.
anyway, i don't have a choice.

but it reminds me of the year i had a folk radio show on a college station out in the middle of nowhere. i'd work on those shows, i'd send them out into the cold mountain air, and hope someone was listening. and then every so often someone would say they had heard my show, they always listened, they had learned something, and i'd feel SO GOOD!

so i'll gather my own stats. a little survey...

could you just say hi and where you are? you don't have to say anything nice, or anything at all other than hi and where you are. and don't feel you have to do it if you've already commented.

actually, don't feel you have to do it at all. i'm a slave kitten and all that. i must be patient and accepting. but i'm asking very nicely...

this is an embarrassing request. i'm letting my needy sub side show. my inner curious kitten. but then i AM a needy sub.

(i'm tempted not to post this. it's a battle between dignity and insatiable curiosity, impulsiveness and self-discipline. unfortunately, dignity rarely wins.)