I arrived home tonight at around 6:30 and immediately turned on my laptop. It's not as if I had been disconnected while I was gone. Now that I have a BlackBerry, I can bother my sadistic Master anytime I wish with a stream of little e-mails detailing the state of my mind and my body as they both respond to the images with which he supplies me for contemplation and inspiration.
All the visits and activities went well. But there was the odd sense of being 2 people at once... whichever identity was appropriate to the activity, and then, inside, like a warm soothing hot water bottle wrapped in soft flannel, was my submissive self, property of the sadist, dedicated writer, a mind to suck for arousing images and a body to despoil and put to his service.
It felt as if I were always wearing a secret smile.
Along with the now two long stories I am committed to writing over the next couple of months, I am working on a series of pieces on masks - which of necessity is an important image when you are hiding a major part of yourself from most of the people in your life. I'd be grateful for any observations any of you have about how you present yourself to the world (including to people close to you), the efforts you make to hide your other side, and how that makes you feel.
Meanwhile, here I am. Sitting and writing with Marko at my feet. He's happy now. I know how he feels. Thanks to Yahoo IM, I spent a precious half hour back at the sadist's feet, and now I am whole again.