(Great name for a band, no?)
Seriously, meg has posted a wonderfully thoughtful and analytic post on her blog persephone in love called "collective kinky unconscious." Do go check it out - and not just because she very kindly referred people to this dark story of mine, dating back to my days with the philosopher.
Don't neglect the comments, and please add your own to the discussion. It is a very rich and fascinating topic.