Saturday, July 25, 2009

Heading north

I've been bad. I've been roaming around and leaving comments here and there rather than being responsible and creative on my own blog to make up for my coming few days away.

I'm heading north to visit my aged parents on their sixty-somethingth anniversary. They are quite old, more or less 90 each, and have their full wits about them, so I am very lucky, although I don't see them very often because it works better than way. By the third day... well I'll leave it at that. I'll just say that it gets tricky if I stay more than 2 nights.

So I'll drive up in the morning and arrive tired and crabby and wishing I had been on chat with the sadist all day rather than driving. And I'll lie in bed at night wishing I could masturbate as compensation for not having the cats sharing my bed, while I think of what it feels like when my Master spanks me. How it hurts - even though I know for most people it's not that hard a spanking - but it hurts my butt and it hurts my pride and it hurts my sense of devotion that I let him down and he feels he has to correct me, to punish me, to hurt me.

And I like it. Oh yeah, of course, it turns me on, I get all wet and gooey, you should have seen me after this last visit. I stuck my finger in and scooped out copious evidence of how that punishment turned me on. But the real reason I like being spanked is because it works. It works on 2 levels. The first is that it sets even deeper my sense of submission - and specifically of submission to him. And the second is that it does make a vivid impression on my brain as well as on my bottom of the lesson he is trying to teach me. (He did love how beautifully rosy pink my ass was after he was done. He does enjoy hurting me, my sadistic Master.)

It's embarrassing, in a way, that I can't keep his lessons in my brain without periodic sadistic refresher courses. But I am very grateful when he punishes me, grateful that he repeatedly thinks I'm worth the effort. (The other day he told me that when he first got me I was not at all "service-ready." Now that hurt. I'm better now. But obviously not better enough. He'll get me there, though. If anyone can, he will.)

I don't think I will post while I'm away, as I will be using my parents' computer, but your comments show up in my e-mail so I will enjoy hearing from you all.

Which reminds me. Every so often, I notice in the stats that someone is reading from a place that has meaning for me - or else proximity. I am very curious about someone who is reading here with a University of Maryland account. Now don't get freaked - I don't know who you are. But I'm curious - and a little unnerved - at having a fan that close to home. I'd love it if you'd e-mail me. You can do it from the profile page. I'm not asking for a real identity, but would just love to hear from you. Thanks.

Until Monday night at the earliest,


Anonymous said...

Ah, shit, shit....Ingres? Bridgeman?

So incredible your folks are still alive and well and married sixty years. Have a good trip.

(The captcha is "downer." That shouldn't even be allowed.)

Paul said...

OG, I don't remember my parents, so I don't know if you are lucky or not.
I think that you are lucky to be loved by such as your sadist.
Love and warm hugs,

oatmeal girl said...

Orlando, my smart-ass friend, she's Ingres. As for my folks' anniversary, I think it's something like 66 years.

I have absolutely no idea what you mean by your last sentence. Pray do explain.

Paul, that must have been so hard, losing your parents at such a young age. I'm sorry. As for mine... I think the advantage of their having lived so long is that I've been able to come to some measure of peace with who they are. but for self-protection I keep my distance.

The sadist doesn't love me. He is, I think, fond of me, or so he said last Fall. I think, perhaps, that calling me his pet is an appropriate choice. In fact, I do love my cats, with an intense passion, but that's me. Still, I can see my having a place in his life, that I give him pleasure, that he looks forward to seeing me, that he likes to be around me... but it is not "love" as many would define it.

But he does want me, I am part of his life, he pursued me and keeps me and that is enough. OK, I lie, but it's better than probably anything I've ever had. (I won't think about the philosopher here. I won't.)

Anonymous said...

That's smarting-ass to you.

And, sorry, the "captcha" is the word verification thingy.

cutesypah said...

oh, OG, I send hugs your way. having lost my dad a few years back, and working with Mom every day, I understand your struggles. I've come to understand and accept that we are all "mixed blessings."

as for being loved by the sadist, I wish you were, if that's what you want. If that's what you want, I wish you were his everything, and he promised to never leave your side, and never to abandon you.

I couldn't be in your shoes. You are strong and brave, and I'm glad you're my friend.

many hugs,

Nancy said...

You are indeed lucky to still have your parents around to visit.. (mine died within two months of the other 12 years ago)
Today would be my mom's 87th birthday! whew~
Enjoy your visit.
Of course enjoy the sadist.. in whatever capacity!

mamacrow said...

good luck with the whole parent thing. Such a difficult thing.. something that's 'supposed' to be 'perfect' so it's so ruddy hard when (naturally enough) it isn't, I guess.

the sadist - well, everyone loves in different ways babe (((hugs)))

oatmeal girl said...

Yes, of course, dear Orlando. Smarting ass. You must be missing that now.

cutesy pah, I haven't been a very good friend lately. I've been neglecting you and most everyone.

As for what I would want with regards to the sadist - I'm not sure I could deal with being his all and everything. I suspect it would be too rich a diet, besides being impossible. I don't think he is monogamous by nature. I just wish we would have slightly longer visits together. I wish we could have 2 days together, in an isolated cabin, so that he could break me down further and further...

Nancy - I know it's hard for people to deal with what I write about my parents, especially for people who have lost their own and/or were close to them. It was good to see them, in a way, but I must protect myself and we do best at a distance. It is hard for them, I know, but even though they don't understand, it's best for all of us this way.

mamacrow - yes. Everyone loves in different ways. And I'm learning a very different way to love...