Healing my Daddy with my pain

i'm floating.
sweet and soft and yielding,
listening to B.B. King
on my Daddy's Rhapsody account.
He gave me his account name and password.
I can listen to his music.

And yes. Did you notice? i called him Daddy. i may call him Daddy again. He opened his arms and took me back as his sweet and soft and yielding baby girl.

Tonight,
He did that tonight.

It was strange tonight. Ever so strange. He took me to the bar again. It's a neighborhood restaurant and bar very close to my home. i had been there with him once before and then, too, it had been very strange. i don't go to bars in any case. And he was so different there. Like last time. He was amusing himself. Amusing himself with me and with one of the waitresses who serves him as well. But she's different. She's very different from me. And it's a very different sort of relationship. She banters with him. They have fun, and in a way i envied that easiness. i was more like the rabbits in my yard, who freeze when they see me. Especially in the first part of our time there, i could hardly speak, was afraid to speak, just kept thinking "give him what he wants, not what he doesn't want" so mostly just responded "Yes, Sir" and "No, Sir" and after a couple of hours started wondering who he was.

And then a few times i begged him to let me go pee. It wasn't like the other time, when he made me drink a second Coke until i was near to bursting and he was just pushing my obedience, making me feel how he owned my body, until my bladder hurt and when he finally let me go to the ladies' room i almost didn't make it onto the seat before the hot liquid exploded out of me. This time, he was just teasing. And enjoying having me beg. He had ordered me to "tart myself up." Which isn't really possible. i think i'd have to wear a wig and tons of make-up to really look slutty. But he accepts me for who i am, my Daddy does (there it is again... that name... he's my Daddy again...) so just said i should wear something low-cut and unbuttoned as far down as i could. So i wore this little short-sleeved black sweater, which is somewhat low-cut and also skimps on the bottom so he can see my sweet, soft, vulnerable belly which is so pale and inviting that it makes him crazy.

It makes him want me.

And when i had to pee, he made me beg him to let me go. He made me stand in front of him as he sat up on his stool at our high table. i stood in front of him and pressed my tits and belly into his belly, leaning into him and slipping my plea into his ear with my warm, wet tongue.

And then... ah, then, for a moment, it felt better. i felt his body against mine and it felt better and i thought well, i guess the only time i feel close to him while in his presence is when we are doing something sexual.

But i was wrong.
i was confused.
Yes, it's sex.
But it's not.
Or not merely.
It's more.
It's holy communion.

Finally, after about two and a half hours, he sent me home. He would follow shortly. And i came home and fed the cats and brought down the 2 glasses of water (a small one for me and a big one for him) and put out the implements, especially the chain which he had promised he would be using, and then...

And then he was there.
And i told him that his right, front headlight was out.
And then he touched me.
And sent me down to the dungeon.

As always, he had me standing facing the wall, my arms up and spread, my legs slightly parted, my breasts pressed into the 50s era knotty pine, and my butt thrust back towards him. And the moment he pushed himself against me, i felt it.

There was nothing dividing us.
The only wall was in front of me.
He melted into me melting back into him.
He needed me.
He needed what only i could give him.

[i stopped writing. i was there again. feeling it. feeling him. feeling us. feeling how different it was, how beautiful it was, how special it was.]

He hurt me tonight.
Not a lot.
With me it doesn't take a lot.
It was slow and deliberate and he said
come with me
and i did.
He said
do you feel it?
And i did.
i went there with him
and i felt it.
i was there with him.
We...

All he did was take my nipples between his fingers. He took them and pressed and slowly squeezed and pinched and compressed those two little knobs of hard pink flesh that had been whispering at him for 2-1/2 hours from across the table. Taunting him. Slowly, carefully, deliberately, as i looked into his eyes looking back into mine... and the pain built... and it hurt. i told him that it hurt and then it hurt more and i cried out but even before that... i was there. And he said do you feel that? And i did and i said i did and he may have said something else about it but what i really remember...

what i really remember

what i really remember is that he told me that i was healing him.

and i felt it.
and i knew it was true.

and the whole hour he was here
was filled with such an intimacy
that i have
never
in my life
known
with anyone else.
and never will.
except with him.

And eventually he was gone.
And now i am his baby girl again.
And i'm floating in a cloud of him.
His smell lingers on my body
and twines through my hair
and shimmers in my nostrils
and dances in and out
of the links of the chain
that is clasped around my neck
and which must remain there
until i go to bed.
Gee.
Tough luck...

He gave me other gifts as well:

• i may sleep with the chain in my bed tonight. If i wish
• i may e-mail him as much as i'd like
• i may masturbate. Until Monday at noon. as much as i want.

Plus another gift which he didn't have to enumerate. My body's memory of his body melting into mine melting into his. And holding within me the memory of an intimacy that i will never be able to describe.

Thank you, Daddy.
from your very grateful
and very happy
and very soft baby girl.

Everything i am is yours.