Is it unfounded?
It suddenly washed over me today - the fear, the sadness, the despair, the conviction that the change in schedule means the end of our relationship as it has been developing for well over 3 years. As it has stubbornly persisted and grown in spite of our intensity - or perhaps because of it. As we've battled each other and ourselves. As we've come so close and wanted so much that we've run screaming and then returned because we couldn't stay away.
There is so much of our brains involved in what we have, our minds, our creativity, the special mental connection that makes what we have so different... but it's the physical that blasts down the walls and both fires and soothes us.
When he's so busy -
when I'm so tired -
when we can't touch each other for weeks at a time -
can it last?
Or will I lapse into being just one of the many he has to choose from when he needs amusement?
I don't know.
And I'm afraid to find out.