Tuesday, January 24, 2012


We're talking again.
I had hurt him.
It amazes me that I can hurt him.

It moves me.
Frightens me.

But maybe...
when his attentions have been so scarce...
it's important for me to be reminded.


Sue said...

Sending hugs, and a bit of energy. Wishing you the best...


oatmeal girl said...

Thank you, Sue.
Your wishes carry special weight.

strivingforpeace said...

sorry you guys have been at odds.

and yes -- we forget we can hurt them too.


mamacrow said...

HUGS. Hope it all smooths out soon... It's such a stressy time of year anyway, hope it starts easing soon, my love to you both xx

(am slightly bemused that my verificiation word is 'tutedly'. I'm NOT sitting here tutting, honestly!)

Anonymous said...

And HE hurt YOU. Has HE apologized? Is he trying to make up for it? In the type of dynamic you have, its so sad that the sub always acts like theyre the problem, they need to change, and they nged to grow. The Dom is at fault too. HE needs to grow and change and acknowledge to you that he hurt you.
As for him not reading your blog, does he have no interest in you? Any man that cares, even in the slightest, for a woman, would absolutely LOVE to read something that tells him her thoughts. Sounds like hes scum!

oatmeal girl said...

To Anonymous and all my readers - please remember that what I write here is only one part of the picture. For personal, privacy, and literary reasons, not to mention time, I edit what for publication.

The sadist has most definitely acknowledged how hard the last month has been for me, as well as that he had not given me any specific plans for this past Saturday. He had, however, said that he would be adjusting his own schedule so that he could see me on many Saturdays, and I really should have waited until I could discuss the appointment with him and determine if it might have fit with his schedule on that day.

As for his not reading my blog - it was my writing (as seen on FetLife) which drew him to me in the first place. The sadist takes a very great interest in me, both personally and as a writer. In the beginning of our relationship, he did read my blog. When he stopped, it was a deliberate decision to give me a place to express myself freely without worrying that his presence would inhibit what I said.

Anon, I'm not sure when you started reading here, but if you want a fuller picture of my relationship with the sadist, you might want to delve into the archives. He entered my life late in August of 2008.

You still may not like him. He's a complicated person and, again, I don't tell all. But do be assured that he does care for me and that he most definitely gets to read my thoughts - including many which are not revealed here.


strivingforpeace said...

so I have to admit that I got a bit hot under the collar on your behalf when I saw the message from Anon....silly girl

you can take care of yourself.

Mine doesn't read my blog either

and I think that sometimes those who don't blog don't get why we blog.

or why we might need a tiny bit of space to process


oatmeal girl said...

Plus, sfp, as I say so often, not everyone's relationship is the same. Some D/s couples use the blog as a way to communicate each other, or as a joint project. Some can't be very open with each other directly, and the blog serves as a conduit.

The sadist really does know a whole lot about what I think and feel. It's scary, really. He can read me, from just a few words in an e-mail - meaning with no clues from face or voice. It's uncanny. Admittedly, his radar occasionally goes off, and he imagines things that aren't there. Though of course as far as he's concerned, his radar is perfect. Always.

No one's perfect.
Not him.
Not me.

We all do our best.
Or try to.