They have taken untold millions that they never toiled to earn

Solidarity Forever

©Ralph Chaplin 1915

When the union's inspiration through the workers' blood shall run
There can be no power greater anywhere beneath the sun
Yet what force on earth is weaker than the feeble strength of one
For the Union makes us strong

Chorus
Solidarity forever, solidarity forever
Solidarity forever
For the Union makes us strong

Is there aught we hold in common with the greedy parasite
Who would lash us into serfdom and would crush us with his might?
Is there anything left to us but to organize and fight?
For the union makes us strong

It is we who ploughed the prairies, built the cities where they trade
Dug the mines and built the workshops, endless miles of railroad laid
Now we stand outcast and starving 'mid the wonders we have made
But the union makes us strong

All the world that's owned by idle drones is ours and ours alone
We have laid the wide foundations, built it skyward stone by stone
It is ours, not to slave in, but to master and to own
While the union makes us strong

They have taken untold millions that they never toiled to earn
But without our brain and muscle not a single wheel can turn
We can break their haughty power gain our freedom when we learn
That the Union makes us strong

In our hands is placed a power greater than their hoarded gold
Greater than the might of armies magnified a thousandfold
We can bring to birth a new world from the ashes of the old
For the Union makes us strong

Whose sex toy is it anyway?

OK.
I'll come clean.
Ketzel showed very little interest in this new toy.
Not enough plastic in the packaging.

Remember how I said I needed a new vibrator because my beautiful blue and yellow one had died of neglect? How I was lusting after one from Lelo and wished some nice company would send me one for free? How I despaired of such an outcome and would have to cough up the money myself? Well, not exactly myself, since a very sweet friend gave me a gift which was going to be transformed into something I could shove up my pussy.

But wait!
What is that mysterious light shining in the corner of the room?

Why, it is o.g.'s new fairy godmother, in the guise of a representative of EdenFantasys. They are an online seller of so-called "Adult Toys" whose website I happened to use when trying to decide which Lelo vibrator to spring for. They have a great comparison tool which saved me from making a chart with the features of each vibrator I was considering.

My contact made the usual offer of free toys in exchange for reviews and links. The sadist gave his blessing to the project, because he's a sweet guy (well, he can be), and besides, he figures he'll get some fun out of it. Next came a list of choices for my first review, of which I was to pick two options. Given the need I had expressed, these were all items I could, indeed, shove up my cunt. A pretty nice list of choices, too, though regrettably nothing by Lelo was included. I immediately eliminated anything that boasted of being big. This little pussy doesn't like real big. There was a rabbit, which interested me since I've never used one (or much of anything, really), but it seemed kind of weird so I struck that one as well. One was by the people who made my dead blue one, so I put that on my request list. Then there were a number of G-spot vibrators. When I got to the very last one, it was so damn weird looking that I knew I had to have it. The Siena Symphony. Look at it. Weird! But cool.

And that's what they sent me.
It arrived Monday, before I got home from my trip.
I finally opened it today.
I haven't tried it yet.
My poor pussy has been a little sore since yesterday.
Tuesday.
Damn.
It's twitching madly just thinking about Tuesday...

I do hope to try my new toy soon, and then post a review that should be entertaining at least. And I'm hoping that I will have been entertained as well. I like the thing already. Its look is creative and it feels like some very serious equipment. But it is a lovely lavender (my choice) which makes it feel very... personal.

Meanwhile, the sadist is looking forward to watching it be put to use.
I wonder if he'll let me cum for him.
As opposed to yesterday...

Watch this space.

PS - and the gift from my friend? I'm thinking of putting it towards an iPod. I know I should put it towards the electric bill, but even the unemployed need to spoil themselves sometimes.

Hugging it to myself

The visit went well.
It was long and intense and went very well.

We are working very hard.

And that's about all I really want to say.
This isn't a game.
We aren't playing.
It is very real
and very deep
and intensely personal.

"It's just for you and me," I told him, as we discussed what I might say here. "Its just for you and me." I loved being able to say those words. "You and me."

And so it was.
And so it is.
And so that is all I will say
about today.

Engulfed

Home.
All is well for now.
My dad is tired but cheerful.
My mom is stronger but her memory is worse.
And the sadist was in possession of me the entire time.

I had my instructions.

The way up was for cleansing. Thoughts were to be of things other than him. Music was to be other than what he had given me. He was too smart to say I wasn't allowed to think of him, knowing that then it would be impossible to keep him out of my mind. And of course, I did think of him, but not in a focused way.

While there, I was given things to contemplate. We discussed my answers to 2 specific tasks, including issues relating to the recent catastrophe. He fed my mind with images, with scenarios, with possibilities, and gave me a crucial assignment for our meeting tomorrow.

On the way home, I was to be perfectly focused on him. I was to be working for him. I listened to a classical piece he had given me months ago, and to a singer whose album I bought based on the one heart-wrenching song of his my Master had included on a playlist he compiled for me. I worked on memorizing the lines I had written for my assignment. He fed me details and instructions for our meeting tomorrow, and sent me further and deeper into that state in which nothing exists but him.

I held on to enough to make me a safe driver.
I was a safe driver.
A safe driver owned by a very wise man
returning me to his service
in a way that will help heal us both
and put us back where we belong.

On the road

I'm heading up north to see my parents. Which is what I was going to do last weekend except they were too stressed out about the possibility of weather. Any sort of weather. Which gave me the chance to stay home and devote myself to sorting out the mess with the sadist.

So I'm heading up this weekend. And likely will go up another few times in the next couple of months as my dad will be having open heart surgery soon. Probably some time after St. Patrick's Day. He's over 90, which isn't a great age for having major surgery. But except for his heart he's really pretty healthy, and without the surgery he'll be dead within 6 months, so the choice seems pretty clear.

Meanwhile, the sadist and I both feel that we need to move back to my serving him. To that kind of relationship. That kind of power imbalance. That kind of clarity. He is doing a lot better, but remains more shaken than I am. That doesn't mean I'm not struggling. There is a lot of anxiety lurking beneath the surface, and there is a major issue that I will have to face up to. Still, things continue to look promising, especially as we seem to be so in accord about where we need to go.

So he is specifying what I should focus on during the drives up and back. And no music connected with him on the way up. That was hard to give up, but probably a wise decision. It is to be a cleansing drive up, preparing me to serve him.

I'm feeling more grounded and contained from all this, which is good in general and especially for a trip to see my parents. That can be hard under the best of circumstances.

Barring the unforeseen, I should be home Monday night. I'm not sure I can post here while I'm gone, but you can always amuse yourselves by reading old stories and poems.

Have a good weekend, and treasure those you care for.

o.g.

Conflict resolution

I'm making progress.
I seem to be making progress.
I'm being creative and have made progress.

No, this time I'm not talking about the situation with the sadist. Although that is coming along well. Today, we each, independently, were feeling that we missed my serving him. You know, the whole D/s thing? We miss it. We both miss it. It's not that I don't still have that sense of submission underlying everything. But we haven't been interacting that way. And we both miss it.

Which is good.
We are in synch.
We are working together.

Nothing is guaranteed. And the fiend is still very worried that I am overestimating the character and depth of his feelings for me. And therefore that I am misrepresenting him here, and that you all are thinking it is more than it is. He repeated that it is somewhere in the middle of the scale. I really do think that's about where it is, with the bottom being a view of me as something to be used and discarded and the top being some grand romantic passion. Because of the way I write, because of my own romanticism, it could easily come out sounding more than that. But it's not. As I said to him tonight, I'm not expecting a Valentine's Day card. Which is true. But he is very intense, and whatever he does is very intense, and the way I write is very intense, so between us things can easily seem more than they are.

But that's not what this post is about.
It's about the cats.

You remember.
Ketzel and Marko?
Those 2 sweet kitties who like to curl up and lick each other?

Ha!
Not bloody likely.
And there has actually been a bit of blood.
There have been ongoing hostilities for over a year.

They generally occur around two activities.
Meals.
And my bedtime.

That Keztel. She is incredibly territorial. They used to both sleep with me. Or they each would at different times of the night, or on different nights. But lately, Keztel has made it quite clear that I belong to her. In her mind, I belong to her and the bedroom belongs to her and the bed belongs to her and if she has plopped herself down with me then Marko can just forget even coming into the room, let alone getting on the bed.

It used to be ok if he got up there with me first. She would come in later, sniff a bit, and then lie down on the other side of me, each hard against a leg. Sandwiching me. Such a pleasure. But the last time that happened, after Ketzel came up, she gave him the evil eye and he left.

I was very sad.
I love them both.
But Ketzel has this almost desperate neediness.
And possessiveness.

It was bad enough that they would fight. Physically fight. Which upset and worried me. But the final straw was when I couldn't sleep through the night because of growling and hissing and fighting at 2 am. A few nights ago I gave up, gathered my cell pone and my pillow, and went downstairs to the dungeon to sleep. On the futon. Ketzel rarely comes down there. Once I settled down, I slept through the night.

Obviously, this can't go on.
I can't let one stubborn ball of fur drive me out of my own room.
My own bed.

So the next night, I shut the door.
I didn't hear any yowling.
And I slept through the night.
The next morning, I found but one tiny turdlet as a symbol of her displeasure and of a tussle between them.

So for now, that's the new rule.
No kitties in the bed.
My allergist should be delighted.

The other move has been to play with Marko right after I feed him, which means he is less likely to come up and get in Ketzel's face or try to commit bestial incest. That has been working pretty well, too.

Still, it all takes a lot of work.
Balancing time.
Balancing attention.
Playing with Marko.
Snuggling with Ketzel.
Ignoring their scratching at the door.

It's worth it, though.
A truce by default.
Maybe if they don't fight for a long time,
they'll remember that they love each other.
Or used to.

[I had to pause in my writing. I'm on the couch. Ketzel wanted to crawl into my lap. She's so cute when she wants to crawl into my lap. Unfortunately, the aptly named laptop was already in my lap. I can't say I won. I can't even say the laptop won. She just changed her mind. It's pretty pathetic when I'm submissive even to my own cat!]

There's no more to tell, anyway.
Peace is possible.
With work,
with commitment,
peace is possible.

Relationships can be restored.
Isn't that nice to know?

The world is feeling new

March has arrived.
It feels like Spring.
Daffodils are sprouting.

The sadist may be back tomorrow.
And he says I may open my eyes.