Saturday, March 5, 2011

On the road

I'm heading up north to see my parents. Which is what I was going to do last weekend except they were too stressed out about the possibility of weather. Any sort of weather. Which gave me the chance to stay home and devote myself to sorting out the mess with the sadist.

So I'm heading up this weekend. And likely will go up another few times in the next couple of months as my dad will be having open heart surgery soon. Probably some time after St. Patrick's Day. He's over 90, which isn't a great age for having major surgery. But except for his heart he's really pretty healthy, and without the surgery he'll be dead within 6 months, so the choice seems pretty clear.

Meanwhile, the sadist and I both feel that we need to move back to my serving him. To that kind of relationship. That kind of power imbalance. That kind of clarity. He is doing a lot better, but remains more shaken than I am. That doesn't mean I'm not struggling. There is a lot of anxiety lurking beneath the surface, and there is a major issue that I will have to face up to. Still, things continue to look promising, especially as we seem to be so in accord about where we need to go.

So he is specifying what I should focus on during the drives up and back. And no music connected with him on the way up. That was hard to give up, but probably a wise decision. It is to be a cleansing drive up, preparing me to serve him.

I'm feeling more grounded and contained from all this, which is good in general and especially for a trip to see my parents. That can be hard under the best of circumstances.

Barring the unforeseen, I should be home Monday night. I'm not sure I can post here while I'm gone, but you can always amuse yourselves by reading old stories and poems.

Have a good weekend, and treasure those you care for.


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