Crawling into the new year

I've been silent.
I've been absent.
I've been moody.
I've been stuck.

I can't say specifically what the problem has been, as I've been beset by a whole host of plagues. [Oops. Wrong Holiday.] If nothing else, the combination of a protracted allergy attack and my bimonthly course of progesterone has deadened my brain and sapped my will. I'm not suffering too much at the moment, so thought I really should stop by and assure you all that I am still alive.

I've been doing that a lot lately.

One of the annoying things about it all is that I have had so much to write about - and even some thoughts on the subjects. Rosh Hashanah has come and gone, leaving us in the Days of Awe - a time for intense contemplation and introspection. The two days of services are usually a fertile time, but between the coughing and snuffling and the supposedly non-soporific allergy pills and the thick fog that progesterone always deposits in my brain and the moodiness caused by all of that and more, I didn't end up making a whole lot of little notes in the small book I always carry with me on orders from the man who owns and controls me.

But the allergies are a little less awful for now, and the progesterone will be stopped in another few days, so there is hope for the restoration of functionality. And the sadist visited me last Wednesday morning, sending me into the new year with the sweet memory of his cock in my mouth and his groans of pleasure in my ear.

My training proceeds. I am learning a lot. There was a major advance late in July, which I am hoping he will finally allow me to share with you. And speaking of sharing... it sounds as if the fiend will soon be giving himself the pleasure of watching his little whore be thoroughly, deeply, and roughly be used by a succession of horny men to whom he has preached my delights - or perhaps shown videos of my proffered tits and wriggling ass. Not to mention photos and films of me crawling. He does love watching me crawl... or perhaps one could better describe the action as dragging myself along the floor like a dehydrated traveler lost in the desert pulling herself towards an oasis that had better not be a mirage. Just so do I drag myself towards the reward of his cock.

It is also possible that he will bring more than one man at a time. Two or three perhaps. He likes the idea of watching all my holes being filled. He is horribly aroused at the thought of my being degraded and despoiled and held down while having my ass raped. Oddly, by now it is something I long for, too. Not just as a fantasy, but as impending reality. I want to be taken and hurt and objectified, all to show him how obedient I am, and how devoted to whatever will please him and cause him to harden and to lust so that when they are done with me he will be ravenous with desire and fall on me like the starving beast he is.

And whatever they do to me, whatever he does to me, whatever I am made to suffer and endure, I will rejoice as I scream and weep and I will look up at him and see the pleasure and pride in his eyes and I will moan "I love you..." as one cock after another invades me from behind.

Meanwhile, that still leaves topics unaddressed. But while I wasn't up to writing here, I did leave some comments on other people's blogs on various issues, so if you wish you are welcome to chase me down elsewhere:

• On Rosh Hashanah and my tendency to think of my Lord the sadist rather than the Lord our God when reading prayers, go to this post on sin's blog finding my submission.
• On yet another anniversary of the attacks on September 11, go here at A View from the Top.
• And I was sure there was a third one that was relevant, but can't remember it now, so these two will have to do.

To all for whom this is a new year, my warm wishes for one that is sweet and healthy and happy, and full of love and at least the hope of peace.