Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Coming Out - but only so far

It's National Coming Out Day.
So I came out.
Sort of.
Part way.

A lot of my friends and "friends" already knew that I'm bi.
Some didn't but wouldn't really care one way or another.
I do have some ethnic friends who didn't know.
Attitudes in those circles aren't always so open.
But now they know.
That I'm bi.

I posted it on my Facebook page. It's a rather impassioned statement denying some myths about bisexuals and saying that I'm one. A friend shared it as her status and now I'm curious to see how long it takes to go around the world and back to us...

But I didn't tell everything.

A Famous BDSM Author has turned up in town and joined my shul. Of course, the whole list of Facebook friends knows that The Author is kinky, and no one is surprised about the sexual orientation, either. Still, I was jealous, wishing that I, too, could announce that I was kinky along with everything else.

But I didn't.
I don't.
Even though being submissive is far more for me than sex play.
It isn't play at all.
It's who I am.
How I am.
Whom I love.

So why is this so different from being bi or lesbian or whatever?
Partly because it just feels more... personal.
And partly because people would worry about me.

We've come a long way in our attitudes towards sexual orientation. But BDSM? A joke. Something to be sneered at, or to crop up on mainstream sex toy websites as pink furry handcuffs. Something really sick. Pink furry handcuffs? They might tease me. A certifiable sadist who leaves his knife in the car to protect me from himself?

What do you think?

So I made a big bold statement about bisexuals, which was in fact a really good thing to do. And it was good to be part of the stream of statements on this day - especially as I've never done it before. But I knew I was holding things back.

And I wish I didn't have to.


Rebecca Sherman said...

I think it's amazing and wonderful you posted what you did. There are so many people who don't understand the rest. Ignorance breeds fear and contempt it seems to me.

Conina said...

I have a friend who posted "Come out already" as his status - and I responded "Maybe some day." He said he thought my husband would be disappointed on that day. I didn't follow up with the fact that I'm already out (submissive) to my husband...

Anonymous said...

You did good, and I totally understand why revealing the BDSM side of things is more difficult.

Which is why I'm posting anonymously although I'm very regular reader.

p.s the catpcha is submicas