Monday, October 3, 2011

Is there a schedule for these upheavals?

No longer angel
no longer slave
I fold my useless wings
and mourn the broken chain.
Happiness eludes me.
I smile at ghosts of flowers
that whip around and slash my face with thorns.
Someone.
Please.
Give me a map.
Or maybe I’m deluded
and there is no path here after all.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~
There are issues. A standing, recurrent issue. It comes up again every so often. As it did this weekend. I keep disappointing him. And then we slowly work our way back, until things seem more glorious than ever, and then he again starts thinking about the part that doesn't meet his expectations, and grows angry, and nothing I can say will make it right. And then the cycle resumes. But it's wearing me out.

Or maybe it's just that it feels like it's been raining for 2 months now.

7 comments:

rose said...

Sorry to read this. i hope things get better and the sky clears for you soon.

-r. x

mamacrow said...

Oh no :( cycles like that suck, and not in a fun way. Everything crossed for a rapid, satisfying solution, and kisses to you both xx

a hidden slave said...

Here's hoping that you have the strength to weather your storm.
HSxx

abby said...

Hugs...be strong...storms pass. abby

Sephani Paige said...

I never comment here but now I feel I must...

The fact that you two continue to find each other in the maelstrom of life is proof enough that thing will work as they must. Maybe these upheavals are just a way of pointing out what must be worked on to get to the point both of you want to be at. My relationship has had its recent upheaval, including my admitting to being a cheater and liar (in the past, please never again!). These things hurt so that we will never go there again. I have faith in the strength of your bond to each other :) best of luck and wishes *hugs*

swan said...

It is hard. Hard can wear you out. I don't know how long one ought to keep banging away at "hard." If I find the end of that journey, I promise, I'll let you know.

swan

oatmeal girl said...

Thank you all for your kind notes. He was here today and we made our way through. The old issue lingers, but we both learned things.

Perhaps what we learn most of all is that we aren't walking away. I think we both need reassurance...