Here I am, horny and depressed and largely deprived of Masterly messages since sometime Friday afternoon. Silence descended without warning, although he did leave me with clear direction for my weekend activities. I am to devote myself to my health (meaning energetic physical activity), home organization (making my study an inviting place to work), and my newest writing project, which is exciting, ambitious, and utterly daunting. A large project under my legal name, with the added terror of joining a writing group composed of real writers. Published people. Journalists and such. To provided added support and critiques as I go forward on my new project. For better or worse, a friend belongs to it, so I suppose she will keep me from chickening out. On the other hand, that just makes me more unlikely to mention what I have been doing over the last few years to sharpen my skills.
Of course, most important of all, I have the support of the sadist, mixed with perhaps a measure of awe. Which makes me uneasy.
But for now, it is all prep work.
And the aforementioned depression which has nothing to do with his temporary silence. The depression comes from the last phone call I fielded at work Friday afternoon, which was long and distressing and that's all I'm going to say about that.
Because I'd rather talk about sex. The last few days I've been wishing with every drop of honey in my cunt that the sadist would suddenly announce that he was on his way over followed by a parade of cars, each containing a horny, dominant, and somewhat sadistic creature who wanted to hurt me and fuck me. I don't ask much.
Of course, being submissive, with my own desires not officially part of the equation, I don't ask at all.
[she sighs in resignation]
I don't say this often, but I could really use a spanking.
It would clear out the depression.
It wouldn't clear out the horniness.
Although in some way it would.
I don't actually cum per se after suffering my Master's assaults and serving his needs, except the end effect is nearly the same. I am cleansed. I become more centered again. Peaceful. Floating and yet more focused. The desperate need subsides, sinks back in, and feeds my soul and my creativity.
Instead, my pussy is flogging itself, slashing at itself with thin, biting, metal-tipped lashes, leaving a need that I am not allowed to relieve and leading to fantasies of rape and torture. I needed to masturbate last night to help me get to sleep, and again in the middle of the night when the cats woke me up, but with that not an option I touched myself with words instead of my fingers, fucking myself with scenarios of suffering rather than the blue and yellow vibrator that was a gift from the philosopher.
And yet I want more.
So I turned to craigslist.
No, I won't really contact anyone. My tasks are too many to allow myself the time-consuming luxury of amusing myself with the creatures on line who claim to be doms. My Master... I doubt there are many others who could give me what he does.
Still, I riffle through the offerings.
Let's see. Here's one:
I'm looking for a woman who needs a good spanking, someone who enjoys the sting of a paddle, whip, flogger or hand. I'm real and you should be too. Descretion is assured.
Now he does get points for saying "who needs" instead of "that needs", and I am heartily reassured that he is real and not a hologram. I doubt the latter would deliver a spanking with the force I need. But then he blows it with "descretion." You don't have a chance at my ass if you can't be bothered to proofread.
Here's another one:
Have you been having nasty thoughts about boys again? Did you hike up your skirt and let them play with your little pussy? Did you suck on their big, hard cocks?
Tell Daddy all about it while I give you the punishment you deserve.
SWM, 6', 195, safe, sane, ddf, not bad looking. Over 25 only. Put spanking in subject line. Cannot host.
Unfortunately, I've never been into that Daddy-little girl thing. And that "not bad looking" thing makes me doubt he has the kind of domly self-confidence I would need. So scratch that one. Besides, he's 56, which is a little old for me...
Now this one I need to share complete with the subject line because it is just so deliciously pathetic:
wanna get wild an kinky?? - m4w - 45any wild lady who like to get laid like to be oraly satisfied to give and receive emailme and lets talk about it be safe and discret noBS NSA I can host or hotel or your place weathever makes more confortable and meet in a safe public place over a drink or coffe and talk about it
OK. I'm a literary snob.
Not even literary.
Not even a snob.
Well, ok. A snob.
But a realist.
I know what snares me.
What stimulates me.
What makes me totally incapable of resisting.
And I don't care how big a fucking cock you have,
if you can't fuck me with your brain
you'll just put me to sleep.
Of course, there is this one (new ones are popping up every second, it seems. Lots of needs on a Saturday night.)
Bondage - m4w - 45 (Washington, DC)I'm a safe, sensible, attractive professional white male, 5'10, 175 lbs, brown hair, brown eyes, very fit, single (never married.) I'm looking for a discreet submissive woman for regular, intense S&M sessions. I'm very verbal and passionate.
Inexperienced is welcome. I'm not looking for a one-night stand and please don't spam with your web cam solicitations.
Now if I were actually looking for something ongoing I might try this one, but as frustrated as I may be tonight I know I already have what I want. Besides, I find I like them a bit heavier. I want to be physically dominated. Crushed. Have no doubt as to who is in charge of whom.
And anyway, I'm not actually going to contact anyone. I just want distraction.
Anybody want to send a comment that will make me flood my panties? Now that doesn't make me sound much like a poet, does it... Just one horny "older lady."
One horny redhead
wet as hell
wanting to be spanked and fucked
wanting to be teased
wanting to be amused.
I'm tired of doing all the work.
Write me an ad.
Post it here.
Make me want to submit to you.
Let your fantasies go.
Male or female.
(My Master says some day he'll bring a woman to use me. Maybe I would have been more successful as a lesbian if I'd met up with the right dominant woman.)
At least in our heads.
And for God's sake