I don’t get it. I pour my heart out here. I reveal what an insubordinate submissive I’ve been, I describe the horrific punishment I think I deserve, and what’s the only comment I get? One of you recognizes my BRAS!!
Not that I mind hearing that. It led to one of my favorite discussions about the general inadequacy of men with regard to getting a girl out of a front-hooking bra. In fact, I’m convinced that the reason so few bras are made to clasp in the front is to spare men from betraying their feeble de-bra-ification skills.
A good dom, however, never needs to worry about such things The philosopher merely has to say “Strip!” and the problem is solved.
But that’s neither here nor there. There’s still the issue of one submissive kitten thinking she should be beaten to a pulp because she high-handedly tossed her master’s direct order aside. An order that was for her own good.
I can be snarky about it now, but I was pretty much a huge mess over the entire weekend. Plus I still haven’t figured out why I was laughing after confessing my sin. And I don’t use the word “sin” lightly. It felt like I had done something hugely unforgivable, and without having been punished I had no way to get rid of the guilt and the pain.
That’s one of the wonderful things about being a submissive. I do wrong, I’m punished, and then I’m his good kitten again. It doesn’t hang over me, eating at my guts and my soul.
But the phone connection went whacko Friday night, and it was late, and we kept losing the signal. So my master just put me to bed, not realizing that I was in crisis. And he’s essentially off Dom-duty over the weekend. That’s the agreement, for the sake of the dissertation.
But when he read that over-the-top punishment post, he did the long distance equivalent of rushing to my side. He phoned. And I sobbed. And he apologized for not having at least e-mailed on Saturday. And I said he shouldn’t be apologizing when I’d been so bad. And so on…
He was lovely. He really is so lovely. And I cried about how much I miss him and how hard it is going months and months without seeing him and more of the same and then… and then he said "It will be ok, kitten. We’ll muddle through.”
And that “we” jumped out at me, and felt like a real “we” and I choked up and he asked if I was crying and I admitted well yeah, sort of, but it was good crying this time, and…
Do you really want to hear all this mushy soap opera stuff? Fade out on this morning’s wake-up call, where he sounds all snuggly and the sound of his voice makes me feel all snuggly, and he asks me what I’m wearing… and we know that everything will be all right.
It will, right?
He does still owe me a punishment.
PS – my master accepted my proposal for a reduced publication schedule. Watch for new posts on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Sundays. And any pictures of the cats will appear on Fridays only. Marko fans – you will have to be patient.
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4 comments:
It must be in the air. My normal cool composure took a nose dive last Tuesday. I'm glad to hear you're getting back on track. I will miss reading your posts everyday. :( But, I will be psyched up for the days you publish.
Also, just because "we" don't comment, doesn't mean your work is not greatly appreciated, it's just that "we" are being bad, too! lol :D
You laughed after confessing from embarrassment, and to fill an awkward space. Stop beating yourself up over that. Obviously he is well over it.
Ah, the bugaboo of commenting ... I like receiving them, myself. But I can't always leave them: I don't like to simply snap off a whatever comment; I usually need time to dwell before speaking (writing).
thanks to all of you. i'm feeling decidedly better today - and the primary returns have certainly helped.
it IS nice to be told straight out that i'm appreciated. i do need to be reminded. pathetic isn't it...
beth, i may have mentioned elsewhere that i used to sneer at people who would leave dumb little comments. i wouldn't say anything unless i could be impressive. (i'm such a snob...) i would rarely comment on gray lily's posts because i couldn't possibly add anything to what she said.
but now, while i do really want thoughtful comments, along with deep discussions about options for bra closing (and opening), i see those little meaningless comments as the equivalent of say "unh-huh..." so someone knows you are still on the other end of the line.
marianne, you're the best. merci, cherie. tout va bien.
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