kitten's big adventure: what she learned

it was a little adventure, really.
a chapter in a bildungsroman.

and what was to be slave-for-a-day was really only about 23-1/2 hours that broke down to maybe 1/4 slavery, 1/4 sleep, and the rest friendship.

and what did kitten learn?
a lot of little things and one big thing.

1. nipple clamps don't have to be all that bad and can have a significant psychological effect.
2. say the word "punishment" and my voice will instantly change.
3. i'm surprisingly much more comfortable in a leather collar than in a necklace, and i look awfully cute in one.
   
4. i still can't come from fucking.
5. it's nice to be fucked every so often but, no matter how talented the other party, it's nicer when it's by someone i've known for a while.
6. i admittedly do get some perverted pleasure from being whacked with assorted implements.
7. bdsm for me means way more than just kinky sex and stimulating pain and obeying orders; it is a rich psychological dynamic between 2 people who share close and complex ties of trust and affection and understanding, and without that is rather empty.

i can do without the sex.
i can do without the pain.
i don't have to be anyone's slave.
i don't really need someone to cane my ass or run my life.

the philosopher wrote me on Saturday as i was trying to get ready to leave on my adventure. i had been having a hard time. i had been crying and would stop and then would start crying again. i wanted this adventure but was finding it too hard. i wanted to move on but wasn't really ready. i was happy to be desired but really only wanted one person.

he wrote to wish me luck, and told me to play safe. we exchanged a number of e-mails, and the things he said made me feel better than i had since July 1st. he told me to stop crying and i immediately did, although that didn't keep me from crying again on and off throughout the 24 hours. he gave me reassurance that our time together had NOT all been meaningless, and that talk of a continued friendship is not just empty words.

so i stopped crying and eventually started feeling excited again and raced up the highway to the man i'd promised could be my Master (yes, with a capital "M" - he's that sort of guy) for the next 24 hours.

the philosopher was there with me the entire time.
he was always in the room.
he was always on my mind.
and i couldn't cum until i heard him say
"cum, kitten. NOW."

and the big lesson i learned?

i can do without the sex.
i can do without the pain.
i don't have to be anyone's slave.
i don't really need someone to cane my ass or run my life.

i can't do without the close and complex ties of trust and affection and understanding.

i would rather have your friendship, however much you can give, however little time you can give, with no sex, no spanking, no setting of my bedtime, no deciding what color panties i should wear, no taking responsibility for my life, no expectations whatsoever... i would rather have that now, that friendship, than whatever "fun" i could find with anyone else.

and i drove back home
and unloaded the car
and fed the kitties
and opened a bottle of ginger beer.