Despite all the angst, all the tears, I really do have a lot to be thankful for.
To WHOM I will direct this thanks is an open question. My rabbi calls me a pantheist, and seems quite happy with that characterization. I love the ritual and ethics of Judaism, the commitment to making the world a better place, the awareness of rhythms and contrast, but my concept of God is pretty open and expansive and undefined. I have had odd experiences of... feeling something... it makes me uncomfortable to talk about it, I was brought up a Jewish atheist, not a Jewish pantheist, and these were not experiences I was looking for.
So I come equipped with this commune of deities of a sort.
The sun, for sure.
And Louise, the goddess of parking.
I have this vague sense of a deity of BDSM, who can be credited with (or blamed for) my discovery by the fiend. What happened thereafter all gets credited to my demon muse himself. When he wants something, he gets it. No question.
And then there is my captivating cane-wielding collector himself. I have occasionally referred to him as Apollo, who is, after all, the god of the sun, as well as of music, poetry, and the arts. And I do worship him...
So here, then, is a small list of thank-you's, sent out into the ether, and anyone or any thing is invited to accept responsibility where deemed appropriate.
First, thank you to all of us who made Barack Obama our new President, whether by knocking on doors or making phone calls or making the Great Schlep to Florida or persuading one neighbor or sending $5 or even just voting for him. I have never in my life felt like this, even in other cases where my candidate won. I have never before so truly felt that WE made this change, he is OUR president, and we together will make things better. I see him on television and I smile and say again, Yes We Can, together we can and he will lead us.
I am very grateful for having a job, because if I didn't it's unlikely I would get one for another two years. I'm especially grateful that my office is only a mile and a half from home, so that I can go home for lunch with the cats, and that I do seem to help some people - even if only by getting them to smile for a few minutes.
I am extremely grateful to and for my cats, who love me no matter what and make me feel needed. They are the only children I have.
I am grateful for my friends who are my family, and whom I know I can rely on in a crisis.
I am grateful for my blood relatives. Things could be a lot worse. (I know that sounds awful, but not everyone is comfortable with their family. Still, after years of making me feel as if I were a disappointment, they are a lot more accepting than they might be, and they didn't reject me when I came out as bi. They don't talk about it, but they didn't reject me.)
I am completely incapable of expressing how grateful I am to my demon muse. For everything. To start enumerating what he has done for me would be to trivialize it. Thank you, Sir. I will continually strive to be worthy of your selection of me.
And finally, the philosopher. I am ever so thankful for having had the philosopher in my life, and for whatever role he may continue to play. He opened the world to me. Whatever it all was for him, whatever it is for him now, whatever he can handle - he taught me about love, he brought a light into my life, and awakened my submission. He taught me what it is like to be friends with a lover. And if I have such a hard time giving it up, it's because he showed me how good it could be.