I'm a very happy little cocksucker.
And by all accounts a very good one, too.
Certainly, I received very warm and effusive praise this weekend.
But something was missing.
Truly, I've always enjoyed making love to a penis with my mouth. I lose myself in it, I'm transported into an almost dreamlike state. Perhaps all these years that has been my little peek into heaven, my taste of subspace before I even knew such a glorious place existed.
I'm a very oral person, and a very sensual one. I eat too much because I enjoy the ACT of eating, the taste and feel of the food in my mouth, the different textures as well as the flavors, the colors that I experience with my tongue. The different languages I speak I experience the same way. They each feel different in my mouth, they force my mouth into different shapes, they call up different vibrations in my throat.
I of course pay due attention to my overall performance as a cocksucker, and am attuned to the sighs and moans of the man to whom the cock is attached as well as to the little physical manifestations of my success given by the member itself. I love knowing that my services have been appreciated, whether I am overtly praised or rewarded with a simple but precious "good girl" or drawn up from my position of oral worship to be taken in his arms in a simple act of such intimacy [...]
Damn.
I had this post all cleverly planned out. And then ...
The ellipsis in brackets, after the word "intimacy" - that stands for me bursting into tears.
Because it all comes down to this. The man in my bed with was not the man I wanted to be with.
And anything after that would be saying too much or too little.
So please excuse me while I return to crying my heart out.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
5 comments:
Many of us love in excess. Food, language, passion, and craft. Why not allow an overflow of tears? Is it not its own form of texture, emotion, and feeling? Share only what you want and always write in metaphor if it helps.....still reading.
Susan! How cool that you're still reading here!! As for the tears themselves and what I choose to share.. on the one hand, the tears and very cathartic and their periodic reappearances remind me again and again what is important. Which is I suppose why they keep resurfacing when I think about how Barack Obama won this election - how WE won this election and are putting him in the White House as OUR representative. But also why they flow every so often and bring with them a longing for the philosopher.
Which is fine. Except that both he and the fiend read this blog. And the philosopher is trying to finish his damn dissertation and needs some emotional peace and I feel guilty posting these reminders again and again of my pain and longing. Now sure, he doesn't have to read here, and on the other hand I am HAPPY that he reads here, because it confirms (as he has said in so many words) that he thinks about me often. But I do love him, and I want to protect him, and I don't want him to feel I'm putting pressure on him, even though... Sigh. Ambivalent? Who, me? (Clearly, this comment is much less guarded than the original post. What the hell.)
Anyway, thanks. You are always welcome.
(((hugs))) oatmeal girl.
hang in there babe.
Oatmeal girl, I read you because I think you are a beautiful writer.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
mamacrow and Paul - thank you for always being here with comfort and encouragement,
Post a Comment