Today, I reached out for what I needed.
And tonight, I got it.
I hadn't seen the Irishman for a long time. He scared me a little last time. He was in a very cold place. He is a "kind dom" but last time he was in a very cold sadistic place. He isn't a thorough-going sadist like my demon muse is, but there was nothing warm about his last visit. It was the first time he didn't leave me feeling good. Plus then there was my mother's health scare, and I got very sick, and the end came with the philosopher, all of which left me very depressed while at the same time feeling more and more tied to the sadist.
Life is so complicated.
But I'm much better now, my soul doesn't hurt as much, the cold is gone, and I'm feeling very secure about the fiend. Plus I've been very very horny. Being allowed to masturbate Thursday night - and in fact receiving permission to do it again tonight - just wasn't enough.
So at 1:03 pm I e-mailed the Irishman and told him I was available again.
That's an understatement. I sent him a long, provocative piece that spoke of needing to be spanked - hard - and needing to be fucked. He was pleased. And at 6:10 he wrote asking if I were available tonight.
He was here by 8:30.
He held me, pulling me into him, twining his fingers in my hair.
He pushed me into the wall, grinding into me and smacking my bottom.
"So you have needs..."
"I need to be spanked. Hard.
And I need to be fucked.
And I need to serve your needs,
which is the most important thing of all."
He pushed me into the bedroom.
"Get the vibrator. Now show me how much you need it."
I lay down on the bed, wriggling out of my jeans and pink panties in a series of desperate and ungraceful movements. I held the condom-encased vibrator against my clitoris, enjoying the sensation. I felt my cunt relax, and slipped the beautiful blue machine inside, fucking myself with the philosopher's gift the way he himself was never capable of doing. I fucked myself with the vibrator while the Irishman stood over me, watching, and then letting fall his own jeans and underpants.
He got up on the bed, sitting behind my head, positioning his balls and yummy fat cock over my mouth. I licked at him as I fucked myself, sometimes pulling his testicles into my mouth.
He smacked at my breasts and pulled at the nipples. It hurt. He is always very careful when he hits my breasts, making sure that they are supported. And at one point - perhaps before I lay down on the bed? - he slapped my cheek and then asked if that did anything for me. I suppose he could tell from my expression or sound that it hadn't really. I overcame my submissiveness enough to admit to that fact, and was very proud of myself. He didn't do it again.
He rolled me over and gave me a good hard spanking. Hard and firm. I needed that - I needed even more of that - but it was enough to leave me with a sore butt which I had no interest in treating with frozen peas. I want the pain to continue.
And then... aah... another step towards obliterating the virginity of my little brown asshole. (Yup, mine is brown, not pink, I wonder why?) He had tried on one of his early visits to fuck my butt, but couldn't make it in. There hasn't been much effort made to stretch it out. The purple butt plug the very cautious philosopher gave me is very small, and S- got as far as fucking me with 2 fingers. The sadist will do it eventually. But for now... the Irishman still didn't get his lovely fat cock in there, but he did go in with the vibrator. It was already covered with a condom. He gave it a good coating of K-Y jelly, which he also applied directly to my little hole. I'm not exactly sure what he did, but I think first he just held the tip of the vibrator to the hole, and turned it on. I think then he turned it off and eased it in a small way. No pain yet, and I relaxed and was happy. The pain was soon to come, though, as he pushed in further, and I was worried, but then it was gone. I'm not sure how far in he got, but whatever he was doing was very nice - as opposed to when he fisted me on that night he was in his cold place, which was uncomfortable and which I didn't like at all.
I think he did try to go in with his cock, I'm not sure, but he's fatter than the vibrator, though in a graceful sort of way, not like those fat penises that just have mass and no beauty.
But eventually he came up on the bed and, ordering me to hold the position he had placed me in with my feet on the floor, stomach on the mattress, and my bottom draped over the edge of the bed, he had me give him a leisurely blow job, which he seemed to quite enjoy. In the end, he jerked himself off and spurted up in my face. That was a first for me, and there was something exuberant about it. I was quite happy and very much at peace.
He asked for a towel in that dry, dom-sort of way that is a demand, not a request. I quickly washed off my face and he wiped himself off. Then he had me lie down with my cheek by his cock as he lay across the width of the bed. And he fell asleep. There was a small spell of snoring at one point, and a bit of fast breathing that made me think he was dreaming.
I didn't sleep. Even had he stayed the night I doubt I would have slept. I rarely do the first night. But I relaxed and enjoyed his breathing and felt at peace. I gazed at his neat, slender hands, and at his fat cock which was lovely in repose. I must have been very relaxed indeed, because when we finally got up I found that I had drooled into his public hair.
He slept. I lay there next to the warmth and peace of a sleeping man. And I realized that this was what I had needed most of all. I hadn't expected it, I could never have counted on it, he had never stayed this long before, but oh it was so very lovely.
He awoke maybe 20 minutes later. I continued to lie there, watching him pull on his jeans, looking at his lovely Irish grey hair which does not at all make him look old. He has a sweet face with a crooked smile. He patted my leg. And then he left.
I continued to rest.
I'll go to bed shortly. I'll touch myself and run through my mind some exercises for the sadist relative to serving his pleasure. When I feel I have made sufficient progress I am allowed to cum. And then with my butt sore from the Irishman and my heart unwisely warm from my sadistic owner, I will slide into sleep.