Friday, July 1, 2011

Relationships are like cocksucking - Part 2 of 2

Being a continuation of my part of the conversation about my post My Master's mea culpa. You can read Part 1 here, which includes an introductory diatribe about how all relationships are different. Even D/s or M/s or whatever you choose to call yourselves because it just feels right. Long-time readers or people who have run across my comments cluttering up their own blogs will be quite familiar with my views on the subject. Still, many of you are masochists, so just might want to hear me say it once again.

Yesterday's post was much too long when I finally quit writing from sheer exhaustion, so I'm addressing the rest of the comments today. And I'm doing it in a post because most readers don't seem to bother reading the comments. Which is a pity, because they were long and meaty this time and sure to spark more discussion.

At least I hope there is more discussion!

That was my fantasy all along, you know. To be an aging but still outrageously sexy courtesan in her Paris salon, entertaining assorted smart and sexy (and at least slightly wild and artsy wouldn't be bad either) members of the kinky class. However you define kinky. Me, I rarely use the word. But that's me. I'm weird about words.

So please say things!

[she's begging now... she's almost as good at begging as she is at cocksucking...]

Down to business.
If I had an assistant she'd be handing me the first letter...
Oops! We already did the first letter.
Let's see now...
Ah yes.
This one.

Sexperts brought up a good issue:

I'd just add that, is the "damage" to a level you can handle it and heal from quickly? My dom is not quite so sadistic as yours seems to be via your blog, but there are times he has genuinely scared me or hurt me. Lately, when he says he is afraid to lose control, I always say, "But I healed. It took a few hours or days, but the trust came back."

The few times the fiend has gone too far - or at least too far for me to handle - the big issue has not been the physical damage. It was that I would have what I call a "bad reaction." And it would take a varying amount of time for me to recover. The bruises would be around long after my equilibrium returned, but once I felt better emotionally I loved my marks!

However, this next part does not - can not - apply:

Depending on what you want, it might be okay to let him occasionally lose control if you can still get the trust back. I'm not saying every time, but on the rare occasions.

That phrase "let him"?
Not in my dictionary.

And this was the only time I have come out of my submissive fog, my state of extreme acceptance, and started wondering if I might have to think of how to handle this. Precisely because it felt so different. It didn't feel like the beast running wild. It felt like abuse. Otherwise, even when I've been scared, like the time he had the knife against my naked belly, it never occurred to me not to submit.

Now the irony of it all is that what he had done just wasn't all that bad. He was slapping my face. Hard. And once a few times in succession. For no reason I could understand. And the full irony of this came home as I was exploring a section of Sexperts' blog today. She has turned up here only recently - or at least made herself known only recently - so I had only been over to her place once before. This time I looked at the section labelled Dominance. Then at an article called Places to Hit, Spank, Bite, and Where Not To! And there, to my great embarrassment, under hitting, was this:

I enjoy being slapped across the face (lightly at first, with full force if I'm turned on and we are being wild) and my Dom says he loves the look of complete shock and then lust that comes over my face when he hits me.

I feel like such a wuss!
Which, of course, I shouldn't.
Because, as I say ad nauseum, everyone's different.
Still, it did sort of put things in perspective.
And I really, really appreciate that.

He went too far.
That is very true.
But only for me.
My life was NOT in danger.


swan is a very wise and perceptive woman.
She is both sensitive and analytical.
And she has been dealing with an armload of difficult situations.

These words were exactly what I needed to hear:

I can only offer you a deep understanding and perhaps companionship on this road you are walking.

Then she speaks about being on the edge.

You can continue to choose for yourself to remain balanced on that edge. I hope, too, that at some level known only to you (and perhaps to him), that you retain the capacity to see the way off the edge if that becomes important.

Encompassing both potentials is the most delicate power balance of all...

Holding on to the capacity to see my way off the edge... and also gaining a better perspective as to how close to the edge I actually am. I think I err in both directions - both overestimating my safety and underestimating the danger.

jcn doesn't have a blog. Not even a blogger profile, though that should be remedied very soon. She's around my age and has been living a BDSM marriage for around 40 years or so. With the same man. She's been through a lot.

In Part 1 of this post, I quoted her very accurate statement about the advisability of faking my reactions to my Master's... um... ministrations. Applications of pain. Whatever. I don't need to say anything more about that. You all, of course, are welcome to say whatever you want about anything here or in any other post.

Anyway. Here's another excellent point she made, which is something I think some of you might tend to miss:

Your fiend is experienced, and clever, and has repeatedly demonstrated both his concern for your well-being and his willingness to rework his own plans for the well-being of the relationship. I think it's remarkable that he has taken responsibility, and I feel more warmth for him that I usually do.

As I've said numerous times, the man is a sadist. Not merely someone who enjoys sadistic play. And still, he wraps himself in figurative chains to protect both me and the relationship. I am always deeply touched by this. And for him to take full responsibility for what happened last weekend - when he could easily growl and say that I overreacted - that touches me deeply. You do need to give him credit. This isn't something you often get from an absolute monarch.

He can certainly be cruel.
He'd admit to that himself.

But he is not not not one of those people whom Sophia referred to in her comment on Part 1. He is NOT a "harsh, cruel and unloving master."

mamacrow is a sweetheart. Plain and simple. And English. With a houseful of children. She often makes me laugh, and my Master has praised her intelligence because she has said nice things about him. He does have a sense of humor, you know.

I have nothing more to add, except to offer this excerpt and encourage you to read the rest of what she says. The rest of what they all have said. And then give us your thoughts.

And I'm impressed by his mea culpa too. It takes a 'real man' and a lot of courage to do that. even if it IS partly a manipulation :)

Which leads into agog's comment. I just love the name of her blog, by the way. Bumbling Towards Submission. Very honest. Really, we all of us, no matter how long we've been at it, are still feeling our way. If we ever get to thinking we have nothing left to learn, then we might as well give up.

She starts off her comment with this:

The best manipulation uses the truth, in my opinion. Just because he was manipulating you doesn't mean he didn't mean everything he said.

Which is very true.
I know it's true.

Which I why I sometimes smile to myself when he growls about how he manipulates me.

It's actually already Saturday here on the East Coast of the US.
But I said this would go up Friday so I'm dating it as Friday.

I admit it.
I do stretch the truth some times...

Thank you all for joining the conversation.
Please keep talking!

1 comment:

mamacrow said...

ooo! It's always a wonderful occasion when I get a mention! Thank you, dear. And I am SO enjoying this rounding up/discussion posts from you! More please!