I found the magic word.
Monday night I was out with M--, my best female friend and canvassing partner. The main reason I moved to DC. We drove over to the concert together and talked about how things were going. I spoke of my struggles with the upcoming birthday. (My demon muse loves it when I use the word "struggles.")
Now M-- is telepathic, although she seems to have blind spots in certain areas. Luckily... She never seems to have picked up my wild side... She is also a fierce believer in the ultimate success of my relationship with the philosopher. As is my doctor. Can they really know better than either of us?
Anyway, she kept tossing out ideas, reasons why I should feel happy about the upcoming Big Birthday. None of them clicked. In fact, they clicked so little that I can't remember any of them. So I thanked her and said it was just a matter of the right thing coming along, that would make it all click and give me peace about it.
And then poof! It happened. It all connected.
Everything comes back to Barack Obama.
As we approached the secular, calendar, goyishe new year, I got into saying that for me, the beginning of the new year would be on January 20th. Inauguration Day. And indeed, it did feel like things changed on that day. The world feels like a better place. A nicer place. Somehow gentler, softer, there are these smiles on people's face here around Washington, DC.
And then it connected. Because yes, this IS a year of wonderful new beginnings. And that - in a leap of amazing illogic - allowed me to feel that turning 60 was a positive milestone. Because I am turning 60 the same year that Barack Obama took office. The year that we took back our country.
Yes, I know, it makes no sense whatsoever. But it works. So I'm not arguing.
And then as a final bit of icing on the top, I went to renew my driver's license today. I was not happy about this. It had been 10 years since the last one, which had a particularly lovely picture. I dreaded seeing this one, with me older and fatter.
Except you know what? This one came out looking younger than the one from 10 years ago! I think it's this unruly mop of rebellious red curls. Or something. Perhaps the restoration of my relationship with my demon muse. I have been floating around subspace (have you seen me fly by?) feeling very young and very small and very very submissive.
So I'll be fine on Monday. As long as I don't freak out from catching sight of my profile on FetLife and realizing that it has clicked over from 59F to 60F.
On the other hand, a 35 year old nice Jewish doctor just approached me from my profile there. Maybe THAT's what the new 60 is...