Wednesday, September 30, 2009

That old writer's block thing

The sadist enjoys my struggles. But he does not at all appreciate the struggle that is writer's block. And this blog is not the only writing I've been neglecting.

I'm exhausted. Work has been insane. I come home drained with nothing to say. Oh, I can get into these intense e-mail exchanges with the sadist, distracting him with images of my pallor and my throat and my butt and my vulnerability. But poetic inspiration?

Non-existent.

Yesterday it felt as if he were mad at me. He was miserly with his words. But more than that, through the pixels on the page, I felt his disapproval.

He said he didn't realize he was pissed at me until I asked if he were.

And then he let me have it. He really hates it when I don't perform, when I waste my talent. His disappointment is scathing, and he doesn't accept any crap excuses.

He is so good for me.

So he set me an assignment, with deadlines, giving me structure for my creativity. The main thing is that I should be working.

And now I am.

He gave me a mere 7 words tonight.
Seven words in response to my first installment.
I am pleased that you are working.
Approval without warmth.
But his expectations drive me.
No coddling.
This is the man who beat me for a bad sonnet.
He thinks a lot of me
and demands a lot of me
and I will be worthy of him.

5 comments:

guessmypiercings said...

I find I'm much more creative when I have a task set before me, at least then I have incentive to try harder and push further! Master once commented on my lack of writing poetry recently and once I'd realized just how long it had been, I was writing within hours. Those poems have been submitted to contest!!! I only wish He would give me more tasks....how do you go about asking for that sort of thing???

mamacrow said...

'This is the man who beat me for a bad sonnet.'

lol! love it!

hope things calm down a bit soon xx

Paul said...

OG, if he beats you for a bad sonnet, I hesitate to think what he might do for your best.
Love and warm hugs,
Paul.

Nilla said...

og,

hope the inspiration comes pouring down on you. Have you tried taking a brief walk or outside break? I know, that kind of thing can be more of a distraction sometimes, too. Or yoga breathing for a few minutes. I suck eggs at the whole "clear your mind" kind of thing, but the deep breathing does clear my head...sometimes (g).
Glad your sadist can spur you onwards! I actually felt a warmth from his 7 words...all in interpretation, eh?!
Won't wish you good luck, because luck has nothing to do with hard work...so...good work to you!
Nilla

mamacrow said...

'if he beats you for a bad sonnet, I hesitate to think what he might do for your best.'

oh Paul DON'T! Hubby's gone out to his brother's for the evening and won't be back till very late. I'll be squirming for the whole night now!