Monday, September 21, 2009


There are some bad people out there.

Well, yes, I know, that's nothing new. But I've been hearing about some particularly bad people taking advantage of submissive women. And we are very susceptible to being taken advantage of. BDSM by its nature requires an enormous amount of trust. It means baring our vulnerability the way we bare out breasts.

We want so much.
We need so much.
We give so much.
We are so easy to hurt.

I have friends in this world of blogs who have been badly hurt.
Deliberately deceived.
Taken advantage of.

My anger is a cold rage. I have visions of a band of vengeful submissives roaming the country, giving these men the punishment they deserve.

Use your imaginations.

Of course, I can't help stepping back and trying to take a detached look at my own vulnerability, my own decisions, my own potential for being physically and emotionally hurt.

There are, in fact, never any pure guarantees in relationships - whether strictly traditional or wildly radical or anything in between. Things can be turned upside down from one minute to the next - whether from illness or accident or a new person or an unexpected change of heart. No matter how committed people are, there are no guarantees.

All we can ask is honesty.
All we have to give is our trust
and in exchange we hope for honesty.

Some of you worry about me. I know that. Hell, if the woman I was a year and a half ago was reading this blog now, she would be worried about me. Because yes, my limits are falling. My limits aren't even being discussed. I am moving into areas I have never been, areas I didn't think I'd want to go in reality no matter what my fantasies, and all I say is -

Yes, my Lord.
Thank you, my Lord.
Whatever will please you, my Lord.

So yes. I don't argue with those of you who are worried. I don't argue with those of you who think I'm being reckless and stupid. In fact, it's a good idea to have a Greek chorus in the background reminding me that things aren't always what they seem and that submissive pets are quite often prone to lose their perspective.

We so want to believe their promises.

But to those who worry, let me tell you this.

He makes no grand promises.
He doesn't offer more than he has to give.
And he doesn't claim to love me.

Our relationship is clear.
I have no illusions.
He gives me no reason to have any.

I delight in what he gives me, I rejoice in what he's made me, I dance at how he's freed me to be who I really am. And if I see him for half an hour once a week, I count myself as very lucky.

I expect nothing.
And I go to bed happy.


mamacrow said...

'I have visions of a band of vengeful submissives roaming the country, giving these men the punishment they deserve.'

I found this idea very tempting, then I thought - nah, it would just give these (rather peculiar) men what they in the end want, I think - attention.

It reminds me of an Agatha Christie, Evil under the Sun, where Poriot is refering to a discussion in the papers or something about the difference isolation on, say, a desert island, would have on a man like Beau Brummel and a man like Karl Marx, or Einstien or something. He then goes on to illustrate his point about the dead woman (a bit of man chaser) which is that if SHE was marooned in isolation on a dessert island she would practically cease to exsist!

Maybe this is what hell would be for these men... everyone wising up to them and ignoring them, and them just fading out of reality...

Paul said...

OG, this is a small community, I know exactly who you mean, and I share your anger.
Perhaps Mamacrow is right, oblivion could well be the answer.
I remember a book, I wish that I could recall the title or the author, the irredeemably criminal were sent to Coventry, they became invisible, they were given the necessities, but they didn't survive long.
I believe that you are safer with your Sadist than she was with her excuse for a man.
Love and warm hugs,

oatmeal girl said...

It's an interesting philosophical point, mamacrow. And yes, I can see that for these kinds of men, shunning could be quite painful.

But I was thinking of something more... direct. Much more painful and infinitely more to the point.

How does the idea of castration strike you?

Paul, situations such as this one certainly put our own lives into perspective. However I may have been hurt by various men - and women, too - I cannot believe that they were deliberately manipulating me. Well, ok, I take that back, because certainly a dom is always manipulating one to some extent. Therein lies the demonstration of power. But there are differences. And I think the major difference is the intent to deceive.

Tonight the sadist sort-of apologized for giving me an impression that was counter to the truth. He is very careful to protect his privacy, but in choosing his words he accidentally specifically implied something that wasn't true. I was touched that he regretted it.

There is a big difference between lack of disclosure and deliberate misrepresentation. I know those things that are important for me to know, and even some things that he really didn't have to tell me. But he does not lie to me and he does not hold back things that affect our relationship.

My Master has a streak of evil - the Beast does lurk within him - but he is good to me and good for me and does not deceive me. I do feel safe.

mamacrow said...

branding. not castration. but branding so everyone will know them for what they are and they will have the eternal frustration of still being physically able to have sex etc, but never being able to.

yeah, that'll do nicely.

maybe also remove their hands so they can't masturbate or type in chat rooms?

oatmeal girl said...

mamacrow, I'm still holding out for castration. Branding is good, on the cheeks, but castration, too, for safety's sake.