Kaleidoscope

I made it out of the house today.
I'm so proud of myself!

SAD makes me antisocial, and now I'm noticing a seasonal tendency towards agoraphobia as well. After all, why should a hibernating bear cub need to leave the cave? (I read this morning about a traveling Russian circus on an 8-day road trip. It was a long, cold trip for the four bears traveling in a truck, so naturally they went into hibernation. Their trainer plied them with strong tea and chocolate to try to keep them awake. Maybe that's what I need.)

But bears don't usually need allergy shots. Or have appointments with the hairdresser that are as much about spending an hour with a friend as about being made beautiful. Not to mention the massaging shampoo chair... So I did have to leave the house, finishing up the trip with a stop at the Trader Joe's next door to the hair salon for hibernation provisions.

And when I finally got home?

A treat.
A much anticipated treat.
An IM visit with the sadist.

I was such a naughty girl. He was working as we exchanged messages. He was trying to work, he was trying to type things and fielding phone calls and I was sending him messages about how his special little girl would give her Daddy a lovely blow job while he was talking on the phone and he ended up getting distracted just from what I wrote. I did have to laugh at that. The idea of Daddy losing focus is ever so funny.

But we were talking about things, too.
We talked about how people know only part of who we are.
It's natural, he said.
No one talks to one's friends and one's mother the same way.
But it's more than that.
We show different faces.
I like to think I am the same person at all times, he said. But no one is.

Maybe it's like with a kaleidoscope, I said. All the pieces are always in there. But shake the tube, turn the ring, and you see something different.

All the pieces are always in there. And sometimes we don't know ourselves what is in there. Not until someone else comes along and says - I see you. I know who you are. I look straight through the glass and see all the moving pieces and I know just what to do to get all the different pictures I know are there. Come to me. You are beautiful. You are my special little girl and you are beautiful and I will show you just how beautiful you are.

Come to me.
Give yourself into my hands.
And I will show you who you are.