Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Kaleidoscope


I made it out of the house today.
I'm so proud of myself!

SAD makes me antisocial, and now I'm noticing a seasonal tendency towards agoraphobia as well. After all, why should a hibernating bear cub need to leave the cave? (I read this morning about a traveling Russian circus on an 8-day road trip. It was a long, cold trip for the four bears traveling in a truck, so naturally they went into hibernation. Their trainer plied them with strong tea and chocolate to try to keep them awake. Maybe that's what I need.)

But bears don't usually need allergy shots. Or have appointments with the hairdresser that are as much about spending an hour with a friend as about being made beautiful. Not to mention the massaging shampoo chair... So I did have to leave the house, finishing up the trip with a stop at the Trader Joe's next door to the hair salon for hibernation provisions.

And when I finally got home?

A treat.
A much anticipated treat.
An IM visit with the sadist.

I was such a naughty girl. He was working as we exchanged messages. He was trying to work, he was trying to type things and fielding phone calls and I was sending him messages about how his special little girl would give her Daddy a lovely blow job while he was talking on the phone and he ended up getting distracted just from what I wrote. I did have to laugh at that. The idea of Daddy losing focus is ever so funny.

But we were talking about things, too.
We talked about how people know only part of who we are.
It's natural, he said.
No one talks to one's friends and one's mother the same way.
But it's more than that.
We show different faces.
I like to think I am the same person at all times, he said. But no one is.

Maybe it's like with a kaleidoscope, I said. All the pieces are always in there. But shake the tube, turn the ring, and you see something different.

All the pieces are always in there. And sometimes we don't know ourselves what is in there. Not until someone else comes along and says - I see you. I know who you are. I look straight through the glass and see all the moving pieces and I know just what to do to get all the different pictures I know are there. Come to me. You are beautiful. You are my special little girl and you are beautiful and I will show you just how beautiful you are.

Come to me.
Give yourself into my hands.
And I will show you who you are.

8 comments:

KellyRed said...

What a fabulous metaphor, the Kaleidoscope.

I look down and the word verification is "toment". I wonder where the missing r went?

weirdgirl said...

this:

"All the pieces are always in there. And sometimes we don't know ourselves what is in there. Not until someone else comes along and says - I see you. I know who you are. I look straight through the glass and see all the moving pieces and I know just what to do to get all the different pictures I know are there."

is so so so beautiful.
i felt those words touch my soul.

wow.

thank you.

abby said...

WOW....same quote as wweirdgirl..that is it! That is exactly what happened! Thank you for this post! abby

Anonymous said...

Oh, OG! My very favorite non-sexual toy, the kaleidoscope, pretty and magical.

What fascinates me is that the metaphor holds as you look the other way through the tube, so to speak. Your fiend is right - we all have a plethora of faces. And how nice it is to have someone who knows a great many of them... - jcn

Paul said...

OG, what a great analogy, and so beautifully put.
Many find this concept hard to accept, your sadist is wise.
He sees most of your faces and realized that they are all true.
Love and warm hugs,
Paul.

oatmeal girl said...

I'm so glad this resonated with you all! When the image occurred to me, I was amazed at how right it felt. And how much more accurate than speaking of masks.

Kelly - the missing "r" in torment? When you're in pain, who has time to notice? But I suspect it is swimming in the puddle between your thighs...

weirdgirl - You're welcome. It feels so good to know there are people out there who understand my vision. And welcome it.

abby - you, too.

jcn - and yes, of course, it goes both ways. I speak of how he sees all these different pictures in me, and manipulates the colored pieces of glass to bring out the pictures he needs. But in fact the idea came from my thoughts about him - especially about the part of him that is Daddy. I am the only one - the only one - who knows the Daddy that lies hidden inside him. And that is one very important reason why I am so very special to him.

Paul - yes. He is very wise. Which is one of the things I love so deeply about him.

Liras said...

I hope you make it through the winter darkness okay. I like to think of it as a time of rest and renewal. (I like winter, however, so I run around equally fast in all seasons).

We have public and private selves, as well as ones that only emerge in the dark, seen only be those who love.

beingaisha said...

I love the kaleidoscope images, and the metaphor, of course.

Thank you.

aisha