I can't write much tonight.
I have a curfew.
It feels so good to have someone taking care of me - even though I know the sadist is doing it for selfish reasons. I am sure he just wants me well rested so that I can serve him with energy and focus. There is a chance that I will be having a lesson sometime this week. I've been in training.
The comments some of you have been leaving over the last few days have been warm and loving and helpful and a good kick in the pants. Thank you all.
I did in fact get a little exercise today. I still haven't made it back to the health club, but I walked up to the post office and back and it felt good. The skies started clearing and my mood starting clearing and I feel less distressed. Sad, but not so angry.
I would like to publicly apologize to the philosopher, whom I love. And because I love him, no matter what happens, I shouldn't be beating up on him.
I love you and I miss you and I need to accept the realities and not wish for the impossible. Nothing is possible until you finish, and even then - the reason why I keep getting so distressed - there will likely be nothing, and I have to accept that. It is sad, it is a waste, but that may be all there is. And carrying on like this is certainly not going to make things better.
Still, your underwear is in my drawer.
I have to get to bed by 11:15. And I have 10 minutes of special exercises to do before then.
Thank you again. To all of you.