Sunday, February 21, 2010
Handing over the keys
Bit by bit, I am relinquishing control. Piece by piece, I am handing him parts of my life, checking off areas of autonomy that really belong to him, and presenting him with the keys and combinations to my body, mind, and time.
He didn't ask for them. He has said from the start that my private life is mine, that I may see and date and... do other things with whomever I wish. He was always quite clear about that. Did he know it was inevitable that I would reach the point of preferring that he be in charge in even these areas? Knowing the sadist - probably.
Still, this is my choice. I say "Here. You decide." And oddly, despite the risks inherent in that abdication of control, I feel safer than ever.
I am his property.
He treasures me.
And I trust him more than I do myself.