Wednesday, February 3, 2010

A sadist's vulnerability

The blog: Intelligent Submission
The post: Your Taboo, My Fantasy

Melissa, a very intelligent submissive and welcome new friend, speaks of the attraction to fantasies that others would turn from in horror.

In my comment, I spoke of the extreme scene so beautifully described by the sadist, the paraphrase of which had some of you in a panic over my safety.

She replied:
One of the ultimate signs of true intimacy is the desire and ability to tell your lover your deepest fantasy, no matter how taboo or far off the map. The fact that The Sadist shared his fantasy with you speaks well of his trust and intimacy with you. Not that what we do isn't plenty intimate, but to be able to tell someone about something most others would judge us for...well, that's just nothing short of incredible.

Perhaps it is within the realm of the extraordinary intimacy of D/s that we are able to share our deepest darkest secrets.
In response, I wrote:

He knew he could trust me with it.

People speak of the vulnerability of the submissive. But the dom, the sadist, they too make themselves very vulnerable. The acts they commit, the submission they demand, the need they reveal for pain inflicted, power displayed, bodies yielded... they are ripping open their hearts and their brains and saying: "Look! This is who I am. Obey me. Respect me. Fear me. Love me. Just do not scorn me. Do not laugh at me."

As you say - it is an extraordinary intimacy. And it goes both ways.
Everyone agrees about the vulnerability of the submissive (I am using that as a blanket term for submissive, slave, pet, what-have-you). We offer our bodies and our hearts as someone else's playthings. I think there may be an aspect to our make-up that leaves us particularly vulnerable to having our hearts either skewered and roasted over a blazing campfire or else sliced very thin and sautéed in butter, then served with a delicate wine sauce while our tormentor laughs at how we took off our clothes and walked into the frying pan. Our vulnerability is ridiculously obvious, and for many sadists is likely the characteristic that makes our torture so delectable.

But doms and sadists have their own secrets. And merely by enacting with us their long nurtured fantasies of pain and degradation, they give us a glimpse inside the souls they try so hard to hide.

We both reveal ourselves. We lose each other in the eyes of our partner and see things that are deeper than the other can ever know. And yes, despite the defined imbalance of such relationships, we are partners. It is through our combined contributions and our mutual trust that we create the magic that arises from our union.


Hisflower said...

wow- absolutely beautifully put... thank you..

littlegirl said...

this is beautifully said. and just what i needed to hear. sharing something dark and scary can be so overwhelming, but it is also a truly lovely, intimate thing.

for myself, i'm sorry if my reaction to the post you mention made the sadist (or you) feel judged for sharing the fantasy. what i worried about what your safety and the way the post could be read by people that didn't understand that you were safe.

i have nothing against the fantasy. i've even been there myself :)

Paul said...

OG, all the submissives that I know in real life or online, are literate, talented and highly intelligent.
This also goes for the doms, tops and masters, the few that I know.
One of the most attractive aspects of the D/s scene is the mutual trust involved, it has to be mutual otherwise it would be unbearably shallow.
You do everything well, even when you frighten us!!
Love and warm hugs,

mamacrow said...

oh yes exactly. very well put.

Anonymous said...

such clarity, from both of you.

og, i consider myself blessed to visit here and have, quite often, not only some of my own questions answered - or, have a mirror on, and of, my own personal struggle with my emotions placed as a mirror in front of my face, via yours and others words - but also to be witness to such strength of the ties in this community, and the immense beauty involved.

i could just hug you up - Thank You so very much.


Melissa said...

I have read this post a number of times, and each time I find myself with a jumble of thoughts and comments, none of which I seem to be able to articulate very well. This is such an interesting - and deep - thought provoking post, OG. Thank you very much for this gift.

Part of the beauty of a Dominant's vulnerability is the opportunity it offers us to not only peek inside his dark soul, but to open ourselves up to new thoughts, ideas, and fantasies even if they're scary. Fear in itself provides a learning opportunity. It can change our lives, massage our sexuality, and allow us to grown within the intimacy.