Monday, April 7, 2008

Hot and Buttery

I've had a cock up my ass exactly once. Or maybe not. There is some disagreement on the matter.

It happened (or didn't) quite a long time ago. A gentleman of my acquaintance and I had finally allowed our mutual attraction to overwhelm our efforts not to complicate a perfectly good friendship. Still, my self-deluding mind managed to maintain my favorite fiction that "everything-but" equaled not at all, so when he (quite reasonably under the circumstances) attempted vaginal entry I pushed his penis away with a not very persuasive "No." What followed took me completely by surprise. He rolled me over, got on top, and entered me from behind. The question is which orifice did he enter.

At the time I was quite naive. It really didn't feel like he'd made it into the expected hole. It didn't hurt much - his organ, while effective, is not all that big. But it sure didn't feel like he'd made it into where he was supposed to be. My assumption was that he had missed the target, as I couldn't imagine that he really meant to fuck my ass. Or maybe he thought that this would be a legal way to respect my half-hearted protest and still get relief. Whatever it was, I was too embarrassed to say anything about it until years later. But when I brought it up he denied its having happened, saying that if he'd been in there he certainly would have remembered.

Whichever hole he breached, the result was unquestionable. My nether regions were thoroughly eroticized. Whenever I was having sex, my ass was aching for action. Not just my anus; the whole thing. I wanted to be touched, massaged, spanked, and whipped. There were lots of fantasies featuring a cat-o'-nine-tails. As time went on and I learned more about what could be done, I dreamed of gang rapes that including fierce and brutal ass fucking. I'd have given anything to have my lover insert his finger into my anus. The desire made me nearly scream, but I couldn't bring myself to verbalize it. I'd think I was dropping sufficient hints by responding enthusiastically to any stimulation within a mile of the magic spot, but obviously my moans and wriggles weren't a clear enough signal.

When I finally embarked on my epistolary erotic adventures, I noticed in my correspondents an enthusiasm about anal sex that I had never witnessed in my flesh-and-blood-and-semen partners. This corroborated what had been showing up over the last few years in the huge collection of erotica I was steadily accumulating. I reacted with fear and longing and immense curiosity, which led me to pose some very direct questions.

Somehow, my obsession with having my butt abused was conveyed fairly early on to Harry, and it featured largely in his professed lust for me. The electronic nature of our relationship made it a lot easier for me to question him directly about the attraction of taking me in that way. As I've mentioned before, I haven't told him about this blog so as not to feed his continuing hunger for me any further. Therefore, I don't want to include large parts of what he wrote me. Too bad, as some of it is quite juicy. He gave a very detailed, step-by-step description of the process which was equal parts instruction manual and attempted seduction. But aside from all the other reasons I had for refusing his requests that I surrender my anus to him, there was fear of his cock. He loved to say how fat it is. And that sounds just plain scary. I'm sure he's very skilled at what he does, but it just didn't sound all that alluring. Long and thin would have been fine, but I just didn't see a double-wide kielbasa in my ass's future.

Of course, I also posed my question to Dominick, and I do have his permission to present our discussion here. Plus, I love sharing his writing, and only wish there were more of it. As always, his images and use of words, combined with self-reflection and analysis, taught me a lot from both emotional and intellectual vantages. His mentoring helped prepare me somewhat for the reality that lay ahead. Somewhat but not fully. The reality of submission is far greater than any analysis, than any fantasy.

In my role as the ever-curious student, in the midst of answering his very probing questions, I asked: "I also wonder what the big turn-on is for men in anal sex. Is it the aura of the forbidden? is it the tightness of that orifice? the different texture within that passageway? Is there a greater feeling of violation and perhaps even one of rape because of the greater force required to penetrate? "

My mentor replied: "Lastly, you asked about anal sex. I think that the factors you mentioned certainly come into play - there is incredible tightness there, and a slightly different feeling when moving in and out - one that seems hotter and slightly buttery, being gripped from all sides, viscosity which is not the same as being in the pussy. It really is a delicious sensation. But it also sort of embodies all the things that we were talking about before - there is that sense of taboo, but also one of a degree of sadism, but sadism that you know the body can handle and even enjoy if it is done right, that real sense of doing something to another person, it is an act which requires a degree of strength - you have to push harder, you may have to hold her harder at first to make it work - there is that sense of male muscles working to exact pleasure, which feels good. and lastly, and I am usually loathe to admit this, but most women who enjoy anal sex talk of it as being, to a greater degree than vaginal intercourse, a creator of a sense of togetherness, partly because the woman feels that she is being more giving of herself, and also more filled. and that sense of providing something that a woman enjoys definitely creates a degree of reflected glory. there is, of course, pleasure in giving."

I know you are all dying to ask why the philosopher hasn't satisfied my curiosity. It would be easy to pass the delay off to his inherent sadism, but in fact we just haven't gotten to it yet. There is so much to explore, on top of which there is that maxim of the theatre to always leave them wanting more.

I am a greedy little kitten, and I do always want more.

[For another take on the current obsession with anal sex, visit this post by Duke Orsino.]

4 comments:

Musns said...

I had a not so good experience with it when I was much younger, 18ish. A live-in asshole, who gave me a choice, sex while on the rag, or anal. 'No' wasn't a choice. The relationship was a bad, abusive one and it colored my views on it.

In the past year, my husband has been, after much encouragement on my part, willing to do it....rarely. I make do with the next best thing - a friend of mine calls it an 'ass job' (laughs). Female on top, using her ass cheeks to 'stroke' his cock. The plus is that the guy definately gets off, the girl gets stimulation in that area...and if you're a larger woman, with more flesh around her pussy, you get clitorial stimulation as well. I ALWAYS get off doing this, as does he...plus the warmth of his semen hitting the lower back is kind of nice (I'm not into have jizz spurted all over my body, but in this case, I'm all for it).

TMI - not in blog land. Something to try if you haven't already (giggles).

marianne said...

I loved your story about maybe having had anal sex... or not. I was with a man when I was quite young, 19 or 20, who had a very large cock. I remember specifically that I found it difficult to accommodate vaginally. I also remember that we had anal sex... or at least I remember saying that we had had anal sex -- but I don't remember it at all. These two things seem contradictory, since I know from subsequent experience that I am very tight anally (as are we all, I think), and that it is an intense and somewhat painful experience for me. I have no idea how I could have managed him. Perhaps that's why I've blocked the actual memory.

Anyhow... it's something that I love, now, for whatever reason.

oatmeal girl said...

musns - there is never TMI in blog land. and i love the idea of people sharing sex tips!

my big project is to learn to deep throat. but it's a little hared to practice when we almost never see each other and i'm not allowed to eat bananas!

marianne: big cocks. humph. big is nice but only up to a point. all these guys who go around bragging about their huge equipment, when really a giant prick can be quite uncomfortable. the philosopher's prick is beautiful. just saying that makes me smile. and some day i'll have it up my ass. and ech stroke will drive me deeper and deeper into subspace until my conscious mind is gone and all that is left is my body and his control.

Musns said...

Practice on a vibe, the deep throating.