I've had a cock up my ass exactly once. Or maybe not. There is some disagreement on the matter.
It happened (or didn't) quite a long time ago. A gentleman of my acquaintance and I had finally allowed our mutual attraction to overwhelm our efforts not to complicate a perfectly good friendship. Still, my self-deluding mind managed to maintain my favorite fiction that "everything-but" equaled not at all, so when he (quite reasonably under the circumstances) attempted vaginal entry I pushed his penis away with a not very persuasive "No." What followed took me completely by surprise. He rolled me over, got on top, and entered me from behind. The question is which orifice did he enter.
At the time I was quite naive. It really didn't feel like he'd made it into the expected hole. It didn't hurt much - his organ, while effective, is not all that big. But it sure didn't feel like he'd made it into where he was supposed to be. My assumption was that he had missed the target, as I couldn't imagine that he really meant to fuck my ass. Or maybe he thought that this would be a legal way to respect my half-hearted protest and still get relief. Whatever it was, I was too embarrassed to say anything about it until years later. But when I brought it up he denied its having happened, saying that if he'd been in there he certainly would have remembered.
Whichever hole he breached, the result was unquestionable. My nether regions were thoroughly eroticized. Whenever I was having sex, my ass was aching for action. Not just my anus; the whole thing. I wanted to be touched, massaged, spanked, and whipped. There were lots of fantasies featuring a cat-o'-nine-tails. As time went on and I learned more about what could be done, I dreamed of gang rapes that including fierce and brutal ass fucking. I'd have given anything to have my lover insert his finger into my anus. The desire made me nearly scream, but I couldn't bring myself to verbalize it. I'd think I was dropping sufficient hints by responding enthusiastically to any stimulation within a mile of the magic spot, but obviously my moans and wriggles weren't a clear enough signal.
When I finally embarked on my epistolary erotic adventures, I noticed in my correspondents an enthusiasm about anal sex that I had never witnessed in my flesh-and-blood-and-semen partners. This corroborated what had been showing up over the last few years in the huge collection of erotica I was steadily accumulating. I reacted with fear and longing and immense curiosity, which led me to pose some very direct questions.
Somehow, my obsession with having my butt abused was conveyed fairly early on to Harry, and it featured largely in his professed lust for me. The electronic nature of our relationship made it a lot easier for me to question him directly about the attraction of taking me in that way. As I've mentioned before, I haven't told him about this blog so as not to feed his continuing hunger for me any further. Therefore, I don't want to include large parts of what he wrote me. Too bad, as some of it is quite juicy. He gave a very detailed, step-by-step description of the process which was equal parts instruction manual and attempted seduction. But aside from all the other reasons I had for refusing his requests that I surrender my anus to him, there was fear of his cock. He loved to say how fat it is. And that sounds just plain scary. I'm sure he's very skilled at what he does, but it just didn't sound all that alluring. Long and thin would have been fine, but I just didn't see a double-wide kielbasa in my ass's future.
Of course, I also posed my question to Dominick, and I do have his permission to present our discussion here. Plus, I love sharing his writing, and only wish there were more of it. As always, his images and use of words, combined with self-reflection and analysis, taught me a lot from both emotional and intellectual vantages. His mentoring helped prepare me somewhat for the reality that lay ahead. Somewhat but not fully. The reality of submission is far greater than any analysis, than any fantasy.
In my role as the ever-curious student, in the midst of answering his very probing questions, I asked: "I also wonder what the big turn-on is for men in anal sex. Is it the aura of the forbidden? is it the tightness of that orifice? the different texture within that passageway? Is there a greater feeling of violation and perhaps even one of rape because of the greater force required to penetrate? "
My mentor replied: "Lastly, you asked about anal sex. I think that the factors you mentioned certainly come into play - there is incredible tightness there, and a slightly different feeling when moving in and out - one that seems hotter and slightly buttery, being gripped from all sides, viscosity which is not the same as being in the pussy. It really is a delicious sensation. But it also sort of embodies all the things that we were talking about before - there is that sense of taboo, but also one of a degree of sadism, but sadism that you know the body can handle and even enjoy if it is done right, that real sense of doing something to another person, it is an act which requires a degree of strength - you have to push harder, you may have to hold her harder at first to make it work - there is that sense of male muscles working to exact pleasure, which feels good. and lastly, and I am usually loathe to admit this, but most women who enjoy anal sex talk of it as being, to a greater degree than vaginal intercourse, a creator of a sense of togetherness, partly because the woman feels that she is being more giving of herself, and also more filled. and that sense of providing something that a woman enjoys definitely creates a degree of reflected glory. there is, of course, pleasure in giving."
I know you are all dying to ask why the philosopher hasn't satisfied my curiosity. It would be easy to pass the delay off to his inherent sadism, but in fact we just haven't gotten to it yet. There is so much to explore, on top of which there is that maxim of the theatre to always leave them wanting more.
I am a greedy little kitten, and I do always want more.
[For another take on the current obsession with anal sex, visit this post by Duke Orsino.]