i write here for a lot of different reasons and audiences.last night's precipitous cry of despair in miniature was for my master. my lover. my best friend.
this morning's post is for you.
the public.
because of course i over-reacted. i often do, it seems. my emotions sit on my skin like a layer of baby oil. keeping me soft and ready to burst into searing flames at the slightest hint of friction.
the philosopher called. there was that technological glitch. he thought i was busy and had turned off my phone. so he turned off his phone, as he always automatically does - silly master - and dozed off. and just as i finished last night's post, he called back.
of course i was punished for last night's mishap. i'm getting punished a lot these days. i see this as a good sign. the philosopher is now very much my master again, the depressed and despondent grad student of last February has gone into retreat.
so i was punished.
scolded and punished.
ordered to put on the punishment panties.
i hate the punishment panties.
i was ordered to create them long ago, for who knows what infraction. once they were an ordinary, worn pair of white cotton panties. hanes. the kind the philosopher despises precisely for their ordinariness. i was ordered to write "BAD KITTY" across both the front and the back. in front, the K of KITTY rests just above my cunt. behind, BAD adorns one butt cheek and KITTY the other.
i get very fretful in the punishment panties. it is amazing and somewhat embarrassing, the power they have over my hyper-suggestive mind. a very bad punishment indeed.
this was followed by a rubber band caning. 5 strokes at the top of my left inner thigh. i knew this was meant as a bad punishment, so each time pulled the rubber band as far out is it would go before releasing it. the thin rubber band bit and cut and had me wriggling with pain.
it left welts.
and i had to take a photo.
it's not very focused, as i don't use flash for these close-in shots to prevent the subject from being washed out. but the welts are very clear.
the punishment did its job
as the the punishments always do.
my master was appeased
his slave felt very owned
his kitten was forgiven
the panties were removed
and 250 miles apart
we fell asleep in each other's arms.
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3 comments:
hey chickadee. this was a really sweet post. i'm glad that you're getting the containment that you need. i can really relate to the up and down of your last two posts, because i've been in that place many times myself. being punished for letting emotions run you wild is very centering. i'm so happy that you're feeling truly owned. and that punishment panties thing is really erotic. :)
I identify with how close to the surface your emotions are. And it's always interesting that the emotional volatility that creates the necessity for punishment is also what attracted him to you in the first place, right? An irony I am very familiar with.
containment. i always find your sue of that word interesting, meg. i would use control, but containment is not quite the same. and it does seem to apply to being kept in check, almost as if one's atoms need to be kept from spinning of into space. which seems to be what happens with my emotions.
i do think some of that can be blamed on this interminable perimenopause, but very slowly i'm becoming less afraid that the philosopher will run from me because of them, since he does enjoy reining me in. not to mention inflicting (or assigning) punishment. oh yes, he really does enjoy punishing me.
it all makes me feel not only more secure about our relationship (between moments of panic) but also more secure in myself. friends and family have been saying how good i look since our relationship really took hold, sure some of that could just be that glow from being in love. but i'm convinced that some of it is from this inner stability that he has induced through the external discipline he has imposed.
as for what what did attract him to me at first? we'll have to see how he reacts to your comment, marianne. at the very first it was just that initial craigslist post, and the continued intense writing. and things became more personal after my story "Cold". but as for what pulled him deeper in...?
master?
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