i need more down time.
it's not so much a lack of sleep as an insufficiency of indolence.
i need more down time.
i love my new job. i really do. but there are so many new things to learn, and they are all more complicated than they need be. and this job went unfilled for 10 months except for 2 months in the fall with someone who really didn't work out. so everyone (the 2 other admin-type women, which is all there are except for the president) is overwhelmed, and they all work long hours, and i'm working from a half hour to 2 hours extra almost every day, with hopes that it will settle down some once i've learned everything.
at least i'm vigilant about leaving the office for a full hour for lunch. i hate spending the money to eat out, and sometimes run home for lunch. (yes, my office is THAT CLOSE to home!) but i need top get completely away from there to get a proper break.
still, i love it.
but i need more down time.
when i finally get home after my excruciating 1.4 mile commute (sorry about that...) there are the cats to feed and snuggle, and my own dinner, and writing for the blog, and correspondence, and checking to see how Z's Boob Fest is coming along (have you donated yet? every little euro helps - even dollars Canadian and US... don't you want to see my naughty nipples?) and glances at the newspaper and trying to keep up with my bills, and thank goodness the philosopher is doing his best to get me to bed on time because i'm in overdrive.
if he were here with me now, all i'd really want to do is curl up with him on the couch... my head in his lap... his cock in my mouth... i'd suck it idly, for comfort, as if it were a chupete (pacifier)... he'd stroke my hair and whisper "good kitten..."
if he were here now...
if he were here now i wouldn't be crying...
[sniffling, she tries to blot her eyes with a tissue, but forgets that she has glasses on and only succeeds in smidging the left lens.]
sorry about that. this is another one of those posts which has a life of its own.
i can hear the philosopher's voice.
he always uses the same inflection:
"don't cry, kitten..."
i'm sorry, master.
i'm sorry for crying.
i need a weekend off
and instead i'm flying down to florida
to help my parents pack.
i should be grateful.
they have everything planned out.
they are in reasonable health.
they are moving back north to
a continuing care community
where they will have
friends and activities and
assistance and available
nursing care when they need it.
i am very grateful.
i don't have to worry.
but i'm exhausted.
i miss you, master.
i need you.
i need to feel you.
i need your presence.
i need the peace you bring.
not the kinds of thing you'd expect to hear from a slave kitten about her evil sadistic master, are they?
my cats are each sleeping in their own spots. Marko is in the IKEA chair. snoring. Ketzel is on the carpet in her cute pose, belly on offer, front paws drawn up to her chin. she's such a little flirt, she knows she is irresistible in that position. even when she's sleeping, she knows she's being cute.
i'm beyond wanting to be cute.
i'm exhausted and
i just need to be held.