Friday, January 16, 2009

They still want me

The Irishman is still interested.

He wrote this morning.
Five little lines that
said what was needed.

"please don't take periods of silence as negative"

sighs of relief and
little floods of joy.
i should turn away
and i can't.
big surprise.

And there was another returnee. Remember the guy with the disabled wife? I had a good feeling about him but hadn't heard for a couple of days. Well, he wrote again this morning, too. He's into control more than pain, and this afternoon gave me a sample. Nothing big, and no pressure, but oh my goodness it felt good!

He's Irish, too, of course. But I think I'll call him the husband. Because he is that, a husband, who is wisely doing what he needs to do to keep his marriage going under difficult circumstances. He lives a little closer to me than the Irishman, and has the advantage of not being a cheater, although he still does need to be respectfully subtle about his activities.

But maybe I should call him Control Man.

He offers delicious control. Stabilizing, twitch-inducing, and very satisfying.

The Irishman offers passion and pain and joy.

I see no need to choose.

1 comment:

amethystsub said...

I have been through a similar dark place as you. Complete with SAD. I too have 2 cats for love and company. I played the field for a while and that got me through, but it wasn't enough after all.

So one morning I woke up and realized that I knew who I wanted and furthermore knew where to find him.

He lives 2 hours away, which makes for some "frustrating" times.

The good part is I have known him for 25 years. And. after a 13 year break, and a little maturity (like wine) it is going great guns. It is amazing and I feel so blessed to have finally gotten it right.

Play, enjoy life, and carpe diem!

You will find what you want, whether it is a lover, partner, or several of each. You will come out okay, because from reading your blogs I know that you are a strong person.

Tears are not a sign of weakness. They are a needed release of the poisons of sadness or depression and I shed them often.

Smile, you're worth it!