SADder

There are many forms of evil in my life.

There is my demon muse, of course,
And the pinching imps of memory.

But for pure evil, no redeeming social or erotic value, I need look no further than the inside of my head. The grey inside my head.

SAD is winning.

I'm going down. And it's not an enticing descent such as topples me in subspace. This is grey going into black. This is an inability to think. This is tears hovering on the edge. This is self-esteem being vomited up on the lawn outside the front door.

This is feeling utterly worthless and unwanted and seeing no evident reason to get out of bed.

Luckily, I haven't maxed out my antidepressants yet, so there is hope once the extra dosage kicks in. Till then, I just want to dissolve and be gone.

And I want something I know I can't have.