Thursday, December 18, 2008

Thought control

I censored a poem tonight.
I cut away the words that let you see into my heart.
The pen I used left drops of inky blood across the page
and slashed my suckling verse.

I killed my thoughts tonight.
I chased away the gentle lines of tenderness and hope,
of happiness from nothing more than being in one place,
of breathing in your air.

I shut the door tonight.
I tried to keep it locked against my stubborn loving faith
but even steel can’t keep my banished dreams from slipping through.
They're in my head and heart if not escaping from my pen
or spilling in unguarded moments on this public page
but I'll pretend they're gone and I won't speak of bread and cheese
and tea and films and eggplant and a party for my friends
or think of how you warmed me when you shared my happy bed.

I think I'll up my meds.


TFP said...


Lovely, meaningful....
thank you


Paul said...

OG I love it when you write poetry.
Warm hugs,

mamacrow said...

oh babe. (((hugs)))

spookily the word verification I'm just about to type in is 'broke'

here's hoping your spirit isn't, babe

oatmeal girl said...

It's hard to reply to you all... I glance at what I wrote and start crying when I hit the last 3 lines. Each and every time. But I'll try.

Thanks, TFP - I do always love seeing you here. Are you referring to personal meaning?

We made this beautiful, complicated eggplant dish together for the party, which took hours. Cooking together. I always wanted to do that. We unmolded it to applause. A lovely and sad memory.

Thank you, Paul. Sometimes I worry about the poetry, especially the depressing stuff, that it drives away masses searching for jerk-off material guaranteed to get them hard or wet. And then I think what the hell, this is my place to mouth of and leave my scribblings, and I'm happy to have the handful of you along to shore up my ego.

Yup. I'm definitely struggling this week.

mamacrow, it's not broke exactly p that refers more to my financial situation than to my spirit. But it's numb and weepy, and I'm wishing i had gone down to Austin or Tucson for a couple of weeks of sun. I'll have to save up vacation days for a little trip next year.

I haven't even put up my solstice decorations this year!