dominick's reply to my craigslist post stunned me. he struck hard at my embarrassing desires to be bound and beaten, but with a grace and compression of style that was completely missing in any of the bdsm ads i'd seen posted on craigslist. my reply ended in an attempt to let him know that this was what i was after:
Please continue to weave your web of words around me
now that I am bound to your bed, exposed to your view,
and helpless before your desire. You have captured me
with my own fantasies, somehow divined, and I beg you
to help me explore them more, thru your powerful
words. What happens next? And what can I do, within
the limits of our words, to bring you the pleasure you
have already brought me?
I await your command.
the rest of this post is his response. a long string of questions. i responded in utter submission. it never occurred to me not to supply anything he asked, although it took two long letters to do it.
he gave me a lot to think about. i wonder how different my answers would be now...
in the correspondence that followed, we returned to the issue of his "cold and clinical" desire to cause pain.
i love how he starts off with fairly straightforward questions and grows more and more intrusive, until finally his questions become bluntly arousing descriptions of sex and spanking, bondage and pain. my mind swam with the images he presented, thinking so THIS is what could happen to me... my cunt salivated, and i latched onto the image of his belt coming down on my ass. i claimed it for masturbation stimulation, until the philosopher brought my fantasy to life and proved it was all i'd hoped it would be.
= = = = = = = = = = =
what can you do, within the limits of our words, to bring me pleasure ? lay yourself bare, describe yourself...
tell me about your physical features. how tall are you ? how old are you ? how much do you weigh ? what size clothing do you wear ? do you have freckles, or is your skin without blemish ? do you tan well ? how would you describe the color of your skin ? what is your ethnicity ? what color are your eyes ? what color is your hair ? how long is your hair ?
tell me about your sense of personal style. is black a predominant color in your wardrobe ? do you think that great design can be found inexpensively, or that great design always comes at a cost, and everything else is a compromise ? do you feel comfortable in tight clothing, or do you feel excessively on display when too much of yourself is bared ?
describe your reaction to physical sensations. are you ticklish ? does it hurt when you are waxed ? do you dislike being waxed or see it as a necessary process, or even enjoy it ? how often do you exercise ? how do you exercise ? do you exert yourself until you are exhausted, or maintain an activity for a predetermined period of time ? do you exercise in the mornings or in the evenings ? how can you determine the onset of your period ? do you get acne ? can you feel your mood change ? do certain areas on your body become more sensitive ? when you begin to seduce yourself, as you fantasize, do you find yourself running your hands gently over your body, enjoying the sensation of your touch on your skin, or squeezing yourself hard, almost trying to cause pain ? do you use lubricant or lick your finger to create initial wetness, or is this necessary at all ? do you find that when you masturbate, you only require, or want, clitoral stimulation, or do you want to be penetrated also ? do you penetrate yourself with your finger ? which one ? how many ? do you have toys ? do you ever touch your anus when you masturbate ? do you find the idea of touching your anus repugnant ? when you touch your anus, whether with your finger or with something else, do you find it possible to relax enough to insert the digit ? is the sensation pleasurable ? do you always orgasm when you masturbate ? do you find that you can have orgasms of varying intensity when you masturbate ?
tell me about the last time that you had sex. how long ago was it ? how much did you like the partner ? was he well endowed ? did it matter to you ? were you exceptionally turned on by the time you had sex, or was it a perfunctory performance ? did foreplay include elements that were physically painful to you ? would you, or did you find it arousing to be caused pain ? why ? does the concept of pain change with your level of lust ? describe the sensation of being penetrated. is it possible to describe the physical sensation without involving emotional overtones ? is it merely, or absolutely, a sensation of togetherness, connectedness, or are there also elements of being taken, of giving yourself ? do you always orgasm as a result of sex ? if not, what percentage of the time would you not experience orgasm ?
you say that you have never felt restrained or restricted. what is your expectation as you lie there, helpless, perhaps slightly uncomfortable, on display, revealed to me ? do you imagine that I will act only tenderly to bring you pleasure, that I will, perhaps, go down on you, tease the tender flesh of your clit with my tongue, caress the nerve filled swell of your nipples ? do you imagine that I will exact the physical pleasure that your body can provide as you lie immobilized - force my cock between your lips, fill your mouth with its hardness, move it slowly out and then back in until it is slightly too far, creating an unpleasant but unavoidable reaction in the back of your throat ? that as you lie there, with your legs spread, the tendons on either side of your groin taut, your pussy slightly parted and your hands lashed to the head of the bed, that I will enter you, the undoubtedly accommodating flesh stretched as you feel me push against the many slicked nerve endings inside you. that I will push against you hard, filling and withdrawing, intent on exacting the sensations that only a warm, wet cunt can provide ? do you imagine that my desire may tend toward the more sadistic ? that, as you stand bent before the low dresser, your face pushed into its hard, wooden surface, your legs straight, the swell of your pert posterior taut as it bends at an acute angle, my cock buried deep inside you, that my joy needs you to feel the sharp sting of my hand on that stretched flesh before me. does the obvious passion of my pleasure allow you to bask in the reflected glow of each red imprint that I leave on your ass ? is there a mixing of the blissful heat that spreads from your crammed cunt and the burning of the spreading crimson across your flesh ? how would you feel if that same desire to hurt was more cold and clinical ? if you were, instead, lashed to the bed, your head turned to one side as your breasts pushed into the mattress, your ass exposed and nervous in the warm breeze that washes over it, and you heard the slide of my belt from the loops in my pants. does your fantasy of forced acquiescence include the sing of the leather through the ear for a split second before it spreads across your buttocks ? can you find pleasure in the welt that extends across the cheeks ? does this desire to hurt on my part, without an obvious degree of gratification, diminish the fantasy for you ?
tell me about the best sex that you have ever had. are there a number of "best" experiences, which are different ? what made these experiences the best ? is it possible to have "best" sex without entwining the emotions that you felt for your partner in the evaluation. can the best sex be purely a set of physical sensations ?