Monday, March 31, 2008

Phone Sex is NOT Obsolete!

I have made a small start on the probably impossible task of rescuing my house from qualifying as a toxic waste dump. Though maybe I should allow that to happen if it means I'd qualify for Federal clean-up funds...

Somewhere I came across the never-read March 16th issue of the Washington Post Magazine, which of course is far inferior to the New York Times magazine. Still, I was stopped from tossing it by a flashing glimpse of the cover story about "objects, habits and attitudes that are sliding into obsolescence." Because what treasured activity were they claiming to be as dead as a dodo? And a castrated, virgin dodo at that?

Phone Sex.

Now the philosopher and I used to have some great e-mail sex. We never stooped so low as to copulate via instant messenger - we are both way too verbal for such a short cut. But what a thrill it was when, in the middle of an excruciatingly hot e-mail session, he suddenly wrote: "Call me." And appended his phone number.

At first he said that we wouldn't use the phone often. It was to be saved for special occasions. But eventually the balance shifted and most of our scenes and love-making and torturously incomplete sadistic foreplay would occur over the phone. The philosopher would have the pleasure of hearing my voice change as I slipped into subspace (although he does say that he can always hear that shift in my written words). And he loves my little moans and whimpers, my pathetically useless pleas, and the loud cries and heaving sobs of the orgasms he grants me. You just can't get those in a text message.

So while I would certainly agree that CAC (Computer-Aided Copulation) has cut into the prevalence of phone sex, I can't agree that it has rendered obsolete what can justifiably share the name of Oral Sex with the more slurpy sort of act.

Anyway, here is the original piece on the topic at hand, plus the link to the complete article. See what you think.

Phone Sex

b. late 1870s -- d. mid-1990s

Once, the number of words you could type per minute was impressive only to an employer. Today, the hunt-and-pecker is seriously handicapped in a much more personal arena: sex.

Thanks to instant- and text-messaging, phone sex is going the way of the VHS. There are just too many advantages to being an SMS or AIM Casanova. You need not worry about phone bills or eavesdropping roommates; images can be swapped quickly or even live; and most IM and text sex can be pursued right at the dinner table or office desk, under the guise of getting homework assignments or checking the human rights situation in China. It's also low effort (even orgasm requires little but holding down a couple of vowel keys and hitting return, then gracefully exiting the situation with a quick BRB or TTYL) and can be saved for later enjoyment (control + c, control + v and voila).

Some are taking it a few steps further. With virtual reality programs such as Second Life, people create avatars of themselves and go on to have illicit affairs and even long-term relationships, often conducted solely with staccato onscreen messages.

Of course, a certain level of intimacy is lost. Giggles are gone; pauses all the more fraught. (Is he transported by passion . . . or IMing another girl concurrently?)

While it's doubtful these media could ever threaten the popularity of the actual act, there's no shortage of people eager to experiment with them. According to a survey conducted in Canada for the site Campuskiss.com, more college students take part in instant-messenger sex than in any kind of telephonic sex.

Because love means never having to say, "Can you hear me now?"


You can read the whole article here.

7 comments:

RONJAZZ said...

Love NEVER meant that. We're talking about sex anyway, aren't we? I must be one of the few purveyors left. The energy in one's voice, the reaction to respond, the elegance and passion of hearing someone orgasm, in part because of you....That will never die.

Call me and see...:)

RoseRed775 said...

Maybe for some, but how fantastic can it possibly be having to type "harder, more, YES!!!, etc. one handed??? :D

Ro said...

You're right: there's something about the immediacy and the extra element of contact that heightens the passions ... not to mention the varied sounds that get transported across the ether.

Mind you, don't knock new technology competely: I'm thinking Webcams and headset phones here ... not that I've ever indulged, of course :)

oatmeal girl said...

there ARE things about e-mail sex that i do really like. the richness of the scenarios, the cooperative construction of the story line - or the desperate frustrated waiting for the next installment. even over the course of the same evening, the philosopher would send me his tale in episodes, leaving me panting.

and then the way it builds, and the messages get shorter, and then somewhere along the line there would be a long pause on his side when (i later found out) he would have gotten himself so excited that he had to slip off and um.. relieve the pressure.

but never text messages. no no no. no poetry there. too blunt.

and we never did webcams.

still, i feel so much closer when he can hear me cum and cry, i feel as if he is holding me. and during the build-up i am in my head and with him at the same time.

(meanwhile, will someone please help out poor Ron and take a shot at phone sex with him. i do expect it will be awfully good. and then you can report on it!)

RONJAZZ said...

LOL!....Thank you, my dear. I just think that I'm gonna need to find it in another way. But the kind words are appreciated!

marianne said...

Definitely not obsolete. But I have to put in another word in favour of webcam and headset, like Ro. The only shortcoming there is having to reposition that damn cam when you want to show... um... other bits.

Phone sex with Ron? Hasn't everyone already done that? ;)

Lauren said...

Huh. I must be the odd one out. I loathe phone sex. My talent is ending a conversation when things turn that way, haha. I hate my voice and it's just awkward ... at least for me.

Although, I totally agree with you in regards to the long, involved emails.

Webcam, headsets, IM: I'm still the odd one out. I've never understood the appeal.