Thursday, July 17, 2008

Not feral. Not yet.

Kitten has been hanging out on a street corner. She looks up at the passing men and mews prettily. She looks at their hungry faces and mews plaintively.

They see the thin collar around her neck and know they mustn't touch. But it's a very thin collar, almost a mere suggestion of ownership. And there she is, loitering on the street corner, looking lost.

Her eyes say that she feels lost.

They don't touch, the hungry men.

But they talk.

They tell her what they would do with her if she would but follow them home.

She doesn't take the bait. It's poisoned. Later, back in her own little house, on her large lonely bed, she touches and cums and cries. And her sodden pillow hears her whisper: "i miss you, master..."

3 comments:

Paul said...

Oatmeal Girl, loneliness is hard, yours will end soon.
Kittens can sleep and eat, unfortunately humans can't.
Mindless routine helps, can you manage mindless?
You will survive, you are stronger than you think.
Warm hugs,
Paul.

marianne said...

You know, listening to those men, even if you miss him... it won't hurt you to know that you are wanted.

oatmeal girl said...

paul - it is unfortunately difficult for me to manage totally mindless, but i can indeed be distracted by work and friends and men telling me what they want to do to me.

marianne - i am in fact listening to, and talking with those men. not only does it make me feel wanted - nay, lusted after! ;-) - but oddly enough it maintains and deepens my sense of being submissive. in the end, i feel even more owned, which is a good thing because sometimes i have felt as if i were drifting off into standard broken-hearted girl mode. but it's not just that.

in some ways this period of silence feels like an act of true submission. setting aside my own needs to give him the time and space to do what he must. though sometimes i wonder if it wouldn't be better for him to have me as a daily anchor.

maybe that's why he occasionally reads this blog. i don't know... i hope so. i hope he doesn't just get upset reading about what a hard time i'm having. i hope he knows i'm always here for him...