Day by day, we danced towards reality with caution and delight.
The philosopher is always very cautious; note how he waited until but 3 days before leaving to buy his bus ticket. He calls himself risk averse... and I always laugh and say he has forfeited that title for sure. He had almost never left the area in his entire life, and now he was hopping a bus to sacrifice his soul with a woman he only knew through the magic of the phone and the internet. Oh wait... he did have that card I sent him with a lock of my pubic hair...
I read over these e-mail exchanges, and I'm flooded with joy. There is such a certainty about us, such a calm under any nervousness. And I have that certainty now, as well as the calm. Perhaps it's the lithium kicking in. Perhaps it is that tomorrow is August and there is only one more month of self-denial to go.
I want to be able to rise on the morning of September 1st and greet the morning with calm and pride. I want to be able to say that in the end, finally, I served my master in true submission to his needs, with true acceptance of my task.
I read over these e-mail exchanges, and I smile and tremble and flood at his words, and I think Yes. I love you. You are sweet and good and funny and with all your weaknesses (for even gods have weaknesses) you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I swear on my cats and the cane and my cunt that I will do what I must to make this work.
You named me kitten and you took me as yours.
Are you master enough to submit to that?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Tuesday 31 July 2007
I have purchased my ticket, kitten.
I am coming.
i knew you were coming.
and feeling very submissive,
thank you very very much.
so how did you feel when you'd bought the ticket? considering you never go anywhere...
i have so much to do, and everything keeps taking longer than i think it will, and then there are always interruptions...
my appointment with Dr. G. went swimmingly. as i walked across the street from the parking lot, i was thinking how calm and centered i felt ... and then i entered the office and thought how i'd be telling her that you're coming in 3 days... and the BIGGEST GRIN broke out on my face that i totally could NOT repress!
She thought this was pretty funny. and loved it. and was very pleased at "our" attempt at imposing discipline on me, on controlling my bedtimes especially. she's really hung up on my sleeping habits. she wants to be sure i sleep when you're here. i reminded her that i don't usually sleep well the first night (especially) that i spend with someone, even if it's someone i have been with before. but then she wants me to let her know if i'm not sleeping after you leave. luckily, i doubt that will be a problem. i'm more worried about let-down ;-(
meanwhile, i found that check-list from SM101 on line as a pdf. i'm changing it to a Word version, and will e-mail you both the blank and (when i'm done) my filled-out form. it seems smart to look at it beforehand.
It felt odd when I bought the ticket. . . decisive. The whole thing is real now, in a way it wasn't before.
And it will get realler ;-)
I will make sure you sleep on a very strict schedule this weekend. . . it will be one of the many things I will be strict about.
Yes. . . we should fill out the check list before hand, to save time and head off an problems. . . good thinking. . such a clever slave!
(Which reminds me. . . my bus leaves at 10:00am and it's just over a 4 hour trip. . . I'll be there by 2:30 3:00pm. . . Is that good?)
is that good??!!??
;-) ;-) ;-)
there's even less of a chance the house will be in order, but that's life. i refuse to get all tense about it.
i can't believe you're getting up that early!!! now THAT'S scary.
forecast is sunny and hot. but it's always nice and cold in the basement.
i should look up the numbers for cabs in case you want to call one ahead. i've seen some there when buses come in but don't know if they're just hanging out on spec or were called.
ok, now i'm starting to become a little crazed.
Your house better be completely in order, kitten. . .or else!
And who knows, maybe I'll come even earlier, to try to catch you with a messy house. . .and then. . . !
I don't think I'll have trouble getting a cab. . .it's a bus station, I'm sure they troll about looking for business. . .
Crazed. . .?
How so, kitten. . .
it's a small bus station, which will eventually get moved to right by the Metro station. but yeah, the taxis probably hang out.
the house will be what it is. you'll live with it.
crazed? did i say i was getting crazed? ;-) you're just imagining a wild little thing running around in circles, chasing her fluffy tail...
(oh take a look at this:
it's the url for the negotiation form. click on "A submissive" ;-)
(It's a kitten! Just like my kitten!)
I'll live with it, will I? If it's not squeaky clean, You had better hope that it's so messy I can't find the cane!
I must have misunderstood. . . of course you're not crazed. . . there's no reason to be. . .
The fact that i am coming soon to lay claim to you. . .to force you to your knees, and put my collar around your neck. . . and to take full and complete possession of you. . . touching, licking, sucking. . . caning. . .
Why would any of that make you crazed?
(i thought you'd like it! ;-)
the cane is under the bed. with the dust bunnies.
there may be papers all over the place but i will definitely vacuum. i'll be crawling all over the floor and with my allergies i'd BETTER vacuum!
i'm trying not to think about that other paragrapph. it just incites feelings that i know you won't let me relieve...
But I thought you weren't crazed, kitten. . . ;-)
What are you wearing?
the short khaki shorts.
black music camp t-shirt.
the knee high stockings.
and i'm starting to whimper, master...
I shall have to decide. . .what shall I do first. . .
When you stand naked before me for the first time. . .how do i first touch you. . . ?
Your nipples, your lips, your cunt. . . my tongue, my hands, my cock. . . ?
Roughly, gently, coldly?
I will drive myself crazy over the next two days deciding how i will make first contact with your body. . .
i think i will be very embarrassed standing before you for the first time. naked. odd, considering how brazen i can be about taking off my clothes...
i will be embarrassed by your gaze, but longing for your touch. whatever it is.
this is really going to happen, isn't it?
after all this time. we're really meeting... can't say we're being rash...
It's really going to happen. . . and I will enjoy your blushing embarrassment. . .
No. . .we're being perverted, and insane, and bizarrely transgressive. . . but not rash.
Never rash. . .
no, never rash.
you will bind me with your ropes, stare down at my helplessness, and plunge your cock into me... and i will say YES! IT'S ABOUT TIME!!!
and later, as we cuddle together, and caress each other's cheeks with the wonderment of being together, i will sigh and think yes... about time... but worth waiting for. definitely worth waiting for. because now we know it's right.
Worth the wait. . . definitely. . . and only a bit more than two days to go. . .
And now it's time for bed, kitten. . . what would your doctor say if I didn't get you into bed at a reasonable hour?
i don't wanna go to sleep!!
(what time should i get you up, master? so that you will really get up...)
No complaints, kitten. . .straight to bed! (My god. . . I am going to love sending you to bed in person!)
Call me at 8:00am tomorrow. . . that will work I think. . . and it's not too early for you. . .
yes, sir. thank you, m'Lord.
i'm melting, sir. everything in me is melting at the thought of your being here so soon...
good night, master.
good night, John.
Good night, kitten.